An All Blacks jersey out on the field, on the back of a man who has won the utmost right to wear it, to appreciate it's impact, it's depth, it's sheer, unadulterated blackness.

No one can imagine the weight of the jersey itself. it bundles up to what New Zealanders, especially the Maoris, think about themselves - strength, humility, courage, and the kind of aggression that they bring on the field. that blackness.. it represents more than century of rugby in New Zealand, it represents its country's dominance in the game of rugby. which native would not have the desire to have it on their backs ?

It may seem that the All Blacks still have that iron grip on the game in the World Cup, but there're not as steady as they used to be against teams the likes of England and Australia. it's grip's under severe, or even fatal threat. it's motto : Winning against the odds. it shouldnt be the only team to adopt such a motto.. every team should.

My team should. ( when i mentioned "MY" i'm not being egoistical here. MY as in ny rugby ) it's really fustrating, when, you work so hard, and your team mates just fuck you up by not giving a care for the team. real sorry i have to mention names, but mark, tian bao, vegustian.. they're all crapped up. mark's doing it for what ? cca points ? tian bao too. vegustian's got his stupid council work to do, and half the time he just uses council as an excuse not to come for training. guo wei and alvin comes every other session. no team effort.

Oh... i'm really praying that everyone wants to work together. i bet if we'd work together and stop fooling around, we'd be much better. and i shouldnt just bitch about my team mates and do nothing.. i should run everyday from now onwards too...

"Don't ask what your team can do for you, ask what you can do for your team." -Magic Johnson

Type A : Congratulations! You can extremely
attract the opposite sex!
You possess a charming beauty in the eyes of
them. You not only have a pretty figure,
but also have a humorous and gentle
personality. You should be a literate person
and know how to get along with people and can
allocate your time well,
thus you are always popular among the opposite
sex.

LOL this is utter bullshit. i attract the opposite sex ? biggest joke, duh.

School was a waste of time today. rach, chun and kareen ( yes, again :P ) asked john and i to visit lynn at TTS hospital, and daryl came along too. couldnt visit her in the end.. 'cause of the SARS scare and only fam members can see her. then... left for orchard to meet up with classmates, but saw manda daryl esta cassandra and erm, weiying is it ?? haha tell me if i'm wrong. sorry :\ aye, whole afternoon.. bummed 'round orchard with daryl sab kitty bryan daena adam. bryan got drunk again.. one bottle only... lol. quite sians today. lil worried for lynn though. she's thinking too much... thinking wayyy too much ain't good.

I dunno... talked to daryl 'bout the girls we used to like in the train. real beeg distractions. still sorting things out.. dun wanna say it anymore. feeling quite, sians already.

Lebron James, Lebron James, Lebron James. he's 18 and a year or two older than me, but his game's almost as matured as kobe's or mcgrady's. scary, i tell you.. kobe sucked when he started out at 18, but lebron comes in for his first two nba games and he avgs 20 pts, 10++ rebs already. well, it's only the first two games, but he DID drive pass shawn marion for a dunk. really someone to watch out for this season... look out yao ming :D

PW. sucks. havent done anything. feeling lazy. fighting a losing fight against laziness... well.. have to wait and see in a few hours time, to see who's gonna win... laziness.. or PW.

Thanks for the... dating-for-dummies mini book, joe and daryl. hahaha. :) i'dve liked the sex-for-dummies but its okay. hahaha the birthday girl card was sweet too :) i love powerpuff girls.

According To Mr Tong, Ms Hamimah once said that always take time to smell the roses cos it's worth it. But, how can I when I always get stabbed by the thorns? <-- got this from adam's blog. well... roses are really beautiful. i love 'em. there're friends i have who're like roses, but they can really stab u hard if you cross 'em. well.. you must also know.. before you can kiss a rose... you'd have to go throw the thorns. there's many meanings to this, wont elaborate... decipher the way you want it, mate.

Fortunately, i've never had to go throw thorns to get the rose. i'm one shit head who's bloody lucky, ya know. i really thought i was gonna get retained. mr toh said everyone made it through. cant believe it, but i have to, 'cause it's the
truth. mentally prepared for it, then he said i made it. i was happy, then i thought, shit man, ppl have been telling me,
giving me encouragement that i'd make it, no sweat. all the teachers asked for my promotion too, mr teo included. i gave mr teo quite a lot of shit during tutorials, never did his work, never studied for econs, he still recommended my
promotion ! cant believe it.. i'm being treated so nicely by my friends and teachers, and i take it all for granted. man i'm
one big shit head. i'm really thankful that everyone cares 'bout me :) oh oh oh.

Oh i went out together with john again, but to meet up with rach, chun and kareen at lido.. haha those 3 are mad. went to lil india lor. had their hands drawn.. quite nice. then kareen bought peacock feathers for john and me. haha dunno for what.. but thanks :> watched Identity. horror film, seems quite stupid at first, but there's a bit of a twist to the plot. not bad not bad, shant spoil it for you by describing wad the plot's about :D then went to far east. chun si was telling me they wanted to eat eggs. what eggs ? very very nice eggs. okay, i thought it was those jap kinda food, but turned out they meant the eggs you can get from kopi diams -_- they ate at Yakun, that stupid place. it was one of the franchise shops la, but the original coffee shop sucks. -DONT GO THERE- the person who serves throws your plate of bread and your coffee onto the table like he's feeding dogs. his tone sucks too.

Aiya... rachelllll chun siiiiiii kareeeeen and LYNNNNNNNN.. cheer up k. i know life's kinda siansational for y'all now.. but you gotta live it through.. not that bad la. cheer up cheer up cheer up !

The storms may come and limbs may break;
Yet others bend beneath the weight--
Of heavy rain and windy breeze...
A storm can mark the strongest trees.

Life sometimes deals with us this way;
In unseen trials we meet each day.
It's not how much our bodies break
Or how much they may bend;
It's our outlook in our own life
That helps our spirits mend.

This one's for all four of you :) one last time.. CHEER UP :)

Damn, i always got lotsa things to say, but i forget some of 'em. oh i'm happy my teammates and my entire class made it through for promos... angela, sorry to hear... anyway hope you'll take it well. it's not the end :)

I'm sick of the education system in singapore. sick of it. tired of it. SIANS of it. though i've promoted, by sheer dumb luck, i dunno if i wanna continue studying locally. its real rubbish. i study econs, when i really only wanna be a teacher who'd either teach history or lit. thats bullshit la. but to study overseas, that means leaving everyone behind, and i havent served NS. that's gonna be a major problem. aye, nothing's really made into a concrete decision yet, but it's still a likelyhood that i'll leave. hopefully i can still take our country's education system till i'm done with it, if not, i'm -vamoos-

Mmm.. going out tomorrow with my classmates to celebrate my bday. hope it'll work out :D

Training today was fine. i was trying to be serious, and it kinda worked, 'cause i was more mentally ready. still, i did hesitate at some moments during the team-runs. i gotta go over that, and i gotta be serious for every training session from now onwards. it really helps man, rather than fooling around.

Winnie msged me ytd to wish me happy bday :) okay... so she hasnt tried to forget about me. oh well.. was feeling fugged for nothing. hope she's doing fine in SR and made it tru for promos too :)

Welllll....... sleep la. tmr meeting my PW members at macs... SIAN. :P -night night, sleep tight tight-

Thanks, guys, who've wished me happy birthday (= you've all made my day.

Went out for dinner with my parents and bro, ate till i almost exploded. hahaha... i'm feeling damn high now... guess it's okay to drink once in a year during your birthday ? hahahaha yeah.... damn HIGH !

As for tomorrow.. hope the class can go out with me after school... hope PW wont be a hindrance, if not i'll be disappointed... and i think i'll wear my Blacks jersey for training... hahaha i'm nuts now. not making sense !

Well... i think i'll wake up with a headache... but that wont spoil my good mood ! :) take care everyone ! gddd night..

In this scheme of deep and thrilling passion,
I face all my foes, my battles, my wars;
Wars of defense and haughty aggression,
While my heart becomes restless, beating its core . . .

Sweat across my brow hotly burns my skin.
No other expression or word or thought
Can tell the pleasure of my soul within;
For 'twas this passion from where joy was brought.

So with this dry tear in my eye, I stand . . .
(Lord, what will my heart -- a passivist -- bring?)
This round of dear affection in my hand,
Will soar so proudly, slicing the pale string.

The time has come, I am now whole, in all,
As I play my sweet game of basketball.

A couple of hours more, and i'll be 17. bloody fast, i tell u. erm, i was refering to time... a year ago i celebrated my birthday with my fam for the first time alone. haha. the previous what... 5, 6 years were celebrated at my place or pizza hut ? the last time was in sec 3, and that's also the last time i met james :) hey bro i miss ya, take care in indo, yea ? ;) it's also the first time i played pool. haha, i started whacking balls outta the table, then i learned how to control the stick from andrew :P well.. enough of the past.

Ya know, my mom's right that time when we had that huge argument. i'm naive. i may have a more-than-average sized adult body, but my mentality's the same as a 7 year old. i always thought that everyone else's family's happy, like mine. today john told me 'bout his dad and his fam probs... and i've heard many others who've their own fam probs. well.. one of the most common's the bickering between their parents. my old man and lady bicker, of course. they can blow the smallest matters into really huge ones, and my mom's really doing it all the time. but they dont argue over serious things... for all my father's faults, he's never drunk once or gone to the pub with his friends and come home late. he'll make his way home right after work, always.

Wake up, dudley ! ya birthday's tomorrow ! time to grow up ! well, physically, enough.. but mentally.. WAY LOTS to GROW, still :D that's my... er... how would i put it... thats my.......... goal ? yeah. well... gotta work it out :)

Good thing the guys didnt know it was my birthday tmr, if not i'd be smearing my balls all over the pole. well, only jianlin and joe knew, and joe kept quiet 'bout it ( THANKS ) and JL's quiting rugby 'cause adrian tan taunted him to. that lousy phucktard.... but i'm not safe till tmr or the weeks over.. gotta look out for ppl ambushing me.. haha thinking too much.

Oh well. i got my all NZ jersey. thats all i really wanted for me bday. aye... shall sleep. tired from training. time to sleep !

..... argh !! i forgot what i wanted to blog... this is STUPID. -_-
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Oh yeah. :> silly me.

Morning was bloody sad. Mrs Ho cried, and i died seeing her cry. then the tall teacher, the dude, used to be Ms Hamimah's student when he was studying in his time... told us 'bout her, and i heard she's the kinda teacher who
can relate to students well, on the personal level. quite sad... such a big loss. the only teacher i know of that's similar to ms Hamimah's Mr Ong chee hong, my upper sec chem teach. he may be strict and blow his top when u piss 'im off, but he really cares for us and we respect him to the fullest. well.. he did leave teaching to do something even more Meaningful :P ( much to the dismay of his parents, he tells me.. ) and he's helping juvenile delinquents. well, it's not a job that dishes out fat pay checks, but its what he wants to do and he's happy, so who cares ? anyway, where was i ? ... oh yeah. really sad... some biatch 16 yr old australian phucktard ( sorry tim :D ) ran her over with his bike while she was walking to hand up her assignment. mr teo said her flight back to s'pore was only later in the day before her fateful accident...... man, you don't believe in fate ? it's really hard to... she had a call the night before with a close friend, and then she got hit by the biker only a few hours before her flight back home. feeling for her family... a lose of a close one is always unbearable. even the strongest will cry.

Aye.. i almost teared... but held back, barely. well.. shant talk 'bout it anymore.

Oh did a new hairdo today :) wanted to change.. dont like spiking up no more, so i kinda got cross with my hair and squashed it up, turned out it looked like a bit of a beckham. so now.. ppl either call me cock-head or rooster-head.. well, i dont give a hutt's piss :) jian lin cant shuddup too but i'm used to the dude's nonsense anyway :P i thought
i'd be the only one with it, but john almost had the same hairdo too ! grr, IDIOT go do another hair cut la. dont copy me :P

With friendster... i'm linked to almost everyone i know ! so cool... and i thought it's some shitty network. i got roy, charlene, kaimei, and my junior ambrose ! the fat arse councillor who ben gayed around with. haha. oh i got that nigga friend of mine, what's his name ? oh yeah. Joshua Kane Wickeremasuriya Tan, that's his name ;) ( haha u biatch ! :P miss ya man. ) and there's father john ! he's in srjc, would've been with him if i never made it to NYJC, but it's just fate :) and andre's photo's really bloody funny hahahaha. joe ! go get friendster !! :)

England almost lost to Samoa 35-22. Almost. Samoa's good ? didnt know that, but to have such a close loss to England, that's gotta say something. hmm.. i'm hoping Samoa beats South Africa for the runner up spot :D that would make things interesting. SA's lousy this year anyway.. so might as well have some new team in the playoffs. oh i was wrong when i said the other pre-game war dances were stupid... actually it's damn cool to see them perform it, especially when TWO polynesian teams play each other... andy says eugene gee told him tjc's gonna play us this thursday. woohoo, i hope it's TRUE ! if it is, it's gonna be a marist dominated field, lol. ( joe would be delighted, so many for the kill :> ) eugene gee, darren, linus.. who else ? i know there's a few more. heheh cant wait !!!

2 days before i get poled. i dont think i can trust anyone, so that means i'm all alone. k... gotta be alert of wednesday. even if half the college jumps on me, i'm not gonna get poled ! not gonna get poled, not gonna get poled, not gonna get poled..............

First of all, like to give my condolences to Miss hamimah's family and relatives... she passed away this morning. heard she got into an accident down under. daryl said she left after the first 3 mths to further her studies there. sad.. if i knew her, i'd cry.

Second of all... this's for Someone.. someone i've never mentioned to anyone before, not even my closest friends. yeah, you know who you are :

We had a past,but it all turned out to be a case of mistrust.
Then things went bad, funny i used to think AI was fat.
I thought it was love, i was so wrong... so so wrong...
You left, and now you come running back ?
Asking for a second chance ?
No way, Jose !
You crushed everything I had for you.
You might not understand what I felt, you never will...
But no way, you ain't coming back. stay away.
You left like there was no past, so leave it that way.
We're done.

Don't get the wrong idea, i'm still happy ! :D no idea why i'm so happy... must've been the halloween party, 'cause i had so much fun ! not sure about tuesday... havent told mom yet. wanna skip sch tuesday and go sentosa for me bday celebration... hope it'll work out. school tomorrow ! PW's done, and time to sleep. i'm tired :) night !

*ni hai ai wo ma, yi zi wen ni ze ju hua
guess not :) i've lost mine for u too

6.30am ... woke up at my usual time.

7.30am ... Ate at Hans.

9.30am ... Knights of the Old Republic :D urgh kana whacked my 3 dark jedi knights.

12pm ... lunch :D char kway teow AND laksa. back to my pigging ways :
1pm ... Heerens, canterbury shop. yay, got my all blacks jersey :) finallyyyyy !!! *happy* mommy encouraged me to get the 190 world cup jersey... but its stupid. it's cotton, has the RWC logo on the right corner and costs 40 more bucks than the normal one, giving the reason that cotton's cooler in our weather. surprisingly the normal version's lighter and cooler to wear, so insisted on getting that. yay. :) didnt know what to get for a bday prez... so the only thing i really wanted was an all blacks jersey, and woopee, i have it ! :D the weirdest thing that happened today was that the young lady at the cashier asked me : you're from national.. er nanyang jc is it ? how did she remember me ?! i only went there twice in school U, once with joe and the other time when was out with erm, manda john and marcus i think. haha, wonder if she knows the standard of NY rugby... hopefully we can bring it to a higher level by next year... oh saw the girl from 03a2. her name's meiyan, i think ? was with some other girl and a guy, definitely both arent from NY. saw shaun 4seconds later with his brother. he's supposed to come for halloween but dude didnt turn up... well, wish him all the best in SP and rugby :)

2pm ... met cynthia and brian at the tao hui shop for PW. i'm surprised at myself ! i was a bit kan chiong for pw, first time EVER. sab didnt come 'cause no one told her -_- and that @*)$*)@)* bryan didnt come either. grr, organised everything then didnt come for it. well... ended way early, so went with brian to look for pirated game shops, but couldnt find any, so left and headed for... school.

3.30pm ... met adam and the peeps from ICS, drama and the art club in the canteen. wow... halloween was FUN ! the party was fun. sorry guys, didnt come as the hulk.. lazy to get the green paint ;) Adam was damn hot in his french maid outfit. hasif was bloody hot in his super-mini skirt and bikini. samantha... on the other hand.. with her gothic ballerina outfit.... hahahahaha :P sorry :> hey met some old friends too ! ziquan was one of 'em, then there's victor ( xiao victor ), melvin, marcus, aaron and ken yeo. things started to go a lil wrong. sorry bunny, but bryan got drunk, well a lil, thankfully. joe got high after we danced halfway tru, then he went on about his ex... john got drunk too, but he seemed fine. mich told weini in the end that she really liked Him, though i've no idea who Him is. well.. i think some ppl got way high after dancing like nuts, but didnt hit me. i just got into the flow. -shake that thing...- hahaha was fun :) well... joe... cheer up ! dont get sad 'cause some girl made a wrong step ! bryan.. kat... both of you gotta sort out problems man. you dont solve it by saying hurtful things that you dont mean to each other. you love each other dont you ? love shouldnt cause two people to say hurtful things, it should bring... Love :) mich... i dunno but if you really like e dude, whoever he is... all the best !

Now... why am i typing like this : 9 pm ... burning my arse in front of the com ... ? thought it'll shorten my entry, but seems quite long. well, shant stick to this time format crap :D shall blog in my normal big loads :)

Oh i'm so thankful for all the friends i have ( those that have been around and haven't been around too :P ). there's my 4g mates, andrew, josh, ben, giant, kenyeo, yang hui, alvin, yiming, peixiong, shit ( shin yew :P )... others from mshs, like nelson, and those idiots in NY now hahahaha. Then, those from 03a1... kat as alwatys :), sab, john, adam, kenneth, weini, thiam peng, brian, bryan, dalvin, venket, daena, teck meng, michelle... and my rugger teammates ! :D JOE :D for the laughters and crazy shit we do, jianlin for his nonsense :P, weijie, guo wei, guzzy, mark, tian bao, russell, jing chao, kwok xiong, jeff, richard, andy, melgious ( yes melgious his our teammate for gods sake live with it ), henry, jian ee, alvin, bao xin... NY foreva ! :) then the others from NY too... manda, daryl, steve, marcus ( though he's missing most of the time :P ), jimmy thought he's constantly bullied but gives pathetic insults to other ppl he's still a friend :), ah boon !, erm.. lazy to think of the others :P sorry but i'm thankful you're all my friends too :) oh there's timothy harris MING DE :D though we fought constantly in sec1 over childish crap like "u bloody australian fuck!" or "u chee bye singaporean !" turned out we're still budds :)

Well.. there're many more friends... lazy to mention, again :\ but i'm just thinking, man, i've so many friends, i should be thankful for that. love y'all. peace :)

Seriously, if the other teams who perform their own war dances before each rugby game, please, STOP ! it's stupid, just for the sake of copying the maori's haka ? tonga's war dance is a joke. i'm not sure about fiji and samoa, but i dont think they're much better. on the other hand, it's really great seeing both teams performing their respective native war dances, like they're about to battle. heheh, end-score ? 91-7. between new zealand and tonga, even a non-rugger fan can guess who won.

Haha watched the match together with kevin and ranjan, my bros from OI ! =D glad they havent changed. went to dad's office to catch the game, saw diana ser and michelle kua. diana ser's really minute ! she looks taller on tv. sadly, they had to leave after only a short while, then went to shangri la to eat and get my birthday cake. oh shoot, shouldve gone a few days earlier, might've caught george bush :D

I'm going for halloween tomorrow, i didnt get green paint, so i'm just going as myself, i guess. haha, just wanna go for fun 'cause i dont feel like going out with ppl to watch movies, just wanna do something different for one saturday night. for the last 2 sat nights i've been burning my ass in front of the tv and my game console playing SW : knights of the old republic. well... the main character, which is you, questions the denial of love by the Jedi Code. yeah, that's really some dumb ass shit ! how can you deny love ? that's stupid :)

And i've thought it through... my heart's clear. i really like her, that's final :)

I don't know what he does to make you cry
But I'll be there to make you smile
I don't have a fancy car
To get to you I'd walk a thousand miles
I don't care if he buys you nice things
Does his gifts come from the heart?
I don't know
But if you were my girl
I'd make it so we'd never be apart

But my love is all I have to give
Without you I don't think I could live
I wish I could give the world to you
But love is all I have to give

When you talk does it seem like he's not
Even listening to a word you say?
That's okay babe, just tell me your problems
I'll try my best to kiss them all away
Does he leave when you need him the most?
Does his friends get all your time?
Baby please
I'm on my knees
Praying for the day that you'll be mine

{Bridge:}
To you... hey girl, I don't want you to cry no more inside
All the money in the world could never add up to all the love
I have inside... I love you

And I will give it to you
All I can give, all I can give
Everything I have is for you
But love is all I have to give

But my love is all I have to give
Without you I don't think I can live
I wish I could give the world to you
But love is all I have to give... to you

-All I Have To Give, BsB.-

There's another national 10s competition coming up on the 7th and 8th of november ! woohoo ! 7th also happens to be my chinese AO paper, but the games are in the afternoon i think. today's training was pretty light, and we ended quite early, so had to wait for dad to come back from work.

I've really been hungering for another match. after the loss to ACS, really got me going... i'm bloody unfit, i'm not aggressive... what else ? how can i be aggressive when i'm unfit too ? i'm pretty lucky my stamina hasnt gone down much since the last 5 weeks ( though there was never much stamina to count for before :D ) but i really gotta start to run in my gym daily. muz muz muz muz muz...

Oh wait... before i start on another long blog entry.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE !!!!!!! :D you didnt get poled today, and we didnt even have to hug each other :D so i'm the last guy. hmm, 6 more days, before my D-day, haha.

And i've yielded to MUCH pressure, so i'm finally using friendster. not bad la, hope can link more ppl, especially my sec sch mates and those not in NY. haha, dont mind me, i'm just an idiot :D the pic i placed in my friendster homepage's me in the botanical gardens.

**** the military man. the guy was from HCJC, captain of the championship basketball team, a combined schools player. he did damn well for his A levels too. and the bastards-who-dont-have-sons-and-will-never-understand-parents-feelings had to get ****ing evil and kill him. that's murder man. you killed a commando. not only was he a commando, he could've possibly been a future singaporean sportsman, a future leader, and he just had to punish him for entertainment by drowning him ? i dont blame the military for giving the chief commando dude another post to quiet things down, we're really short of man.. but they didnt do anything 'bout the direct commando in-charge ? okay maybe they did, but i can bet that ass-for-brain's life that he wouldnt be asked to leave the commando service. probably would just get demoted, or send to do some other stuff to quiet things down to. don't you understand what his parents feel ? a son.. so much hope in him, so much promise, died, just like that, because his lousy excuse for a human being superior wanted to punish him ? when mommy talked about it, i could tell she understood his parents' pain... 'cause she wouldnt want to lose her two sons to NS, or anything other thing else. lets just pray for their family.. let them pass through this dark tidings... the memory will forever be a scar, but i pray they'd live with it, though it would be a near-impossibility...

Now... Today. went to macs with joe, boon and jian lin. made LOTS of noise but thankfully there werent many people 'cept for the few aunties and lil kids. kairu came along with some other peeps. kairu was so vulgar the lady beside him turned 'round and stared at him. hahaha, then he was like... what ? NY ? no lah, i'm from peicai. wahaha what ever it is.. the people i hang out with aint QUIET, that's for sure :D then staying at macs for 2 hours + was a bore.. i felt down ( not b'coz jimmy came along though ) but 'cause i suddenly thought about Winnie again. i wonder.. is it a sin to like a girl and think about another at the same time ? i feel damn badddd.... not that i like winnie anymore. worse still... i'm cross with myself... why ? i promised i wouldnt let anyone step over her like some welcome mat, and i did just that. i made her feel happy, then i crushed her feelings. that's the same as walking over her, innit ? fam probs, frens using her as some construction tool... then i had to destroy her happiness. oh fuck man... i really hope to meet her one day, and pray for her forgiveness. question now is, will i do the same thing to another loved one ? Ah. tired of thinking so much at one shot, wanna sleep it off, meeting kevin and maybe ranjan. miss those dudes :)

*but my love is all, i have to give/
without you i don't think i would live...

Damn sians today ! went to school for PW, then heard taking back papers in the afternoon. skipped the chinese lecture at 11, and ended up at the HDB block of flats with joe, daryl and bryan. haha. daryl and bryan bought a bottle of heineken beer. bryan is useless, he seems to drink regularly but he got high after drinking half the bottle ? daryl was still fine, then they bought another bottle. bryan REALLY got drunk, and he started making stupid noises and said stupid things, haha, crazy fellow. joe drink a few sips and he got a lil high already ?! haha, surprising for someone who's been drinking for a long time. hmm, today's also the first time i've drank beer, couple of sips. haha, Peer Pressure. well, it's only a few sips, hopefully i'll never measure by bottles instead of sips ! but bryan's right... one day i'll have to, well, hopefully nothing goes wrong if i have to. cheers to u my drunkard friends ! hahaha.

dum di dum ...

dum di dim ...

Do i have a mask inside ?
For my feelings to hide ?
Or is it just a classic case of misconception
A past, a love, a wrong perception ?
My life's just emotions passing by
Feeling all the while and never knowing why

Then i met you, and you were a dream come true.

When i wake up, the first thing i do,
is think of Her. Yeah, i think of You.
I miss Her all the time, what more can one say ?
Each day i pray that it's Her that with me she'll stay.
Why am i hung up on one girl,
it's not like she's the only one in the world

Then again, she really is.

Know what'll stop this heartbreak ?
What it'll take ?
I know what i want, too.
Damn right, it's... You.

Pretty much what i'm feeling now's above. ah shitty PW, have to improve on the final report. not that i'm complaining :D i just hate the idea of PW when JC life's pretty hectic already. besides, i havent contributed much to the group ( and i'm being nice to myself when i said "much" :D ) so i'll do it, no complains. then what should i do ? havent cut my hair in 5, 6 weeks ? that's pretty long for me, 'cause i used to cut my hair once in every 3 weeks. used to love shorter hair, guess i'm getting more vain now. heh, another part of growing up, i guess ? yeah.

Grr, being bugged to study chinese. there's really nothing for me to study, i felt stupid after studying 7 Chi Yu Shou Che books last year for the Os and only knew 3 outta 5 words, and 4 outta 5 Zhao Ju s. i'm a lil upset i couldnt write all the words, but the underlying reason's just laziness. ha, but i dont wanna be disappointed again, too. really crushing feeling inside of me. you work so hard just to achieve great success and all you get's a b3. guess can relate to Kobe.. worked his arse last season only to lose to san antonio 'cause his other superstar couldnt shed a few pounds off his fat arse ( yeah, shaq, i'm talking 'bout YOU ! ) Oh well. PW. Cya !

*so come on baby, come on over/
let me be the one to hold you/
I'm the one who wants to be with you/
Deep inside I hope you feel it too/
Waited on a line of greens and blues/
Just to be the next to be with You

you are tamahome! you are sooo cute and i love
you! you love money and can be a little
gluttonous when it comes to it, but its all for
your family's well-being. you are loyal and
true to the one you love. you are strong and
powerful. overall, you are a very good person
who deserves happiness! go you, dude!


Fushigi Yuugi: What Suzaku Seven character are you really?
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha Tamahome, cool :) hey i'm not greedy on cash, i'm greedy for food ! heheh ;)

Didnt realise today's my chinese birthday. going to some restaurant to eat later on.. btw, i've linked photos on the left bar of my blog. heheh.

Not really in the mood to blog now, might blog more later on, might not. last words : jared kong's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world :D only phucktard who wont copy or let ppl copy his tests. and the weird sounds he makes in class... bloody annoying. wish i could rip his throat out, thank god only had him as a classmate for 2 years. -phew-

Phew. busted myself in the gym.

Training resumes tomorrow, so does school, but dont feel like going. erm, i meant school, not training.

Ran for 10 minutes and i was panting already, not a good sign. did some leg presses, couldnt go beyond the 5 mark. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ah. birthday in 9 days :D joe baby, we gotta protect each other man. i'll buy u a groin guard, u buy me mine :) went to heerens with mommy in the afternoon, and she promised to get me the all blacks jersey next weekend ! AL-RIGHT ! hey, i dont get something... now there's the special world cup 2003 jerseys. the original costs 150, and the RWC one costs 199. 49 bucks just for one RWC logo on the top right corner of the jersey ? man even bill gates aint that dumb to buy one ! ........... i'm tempted to get the body armour too, but i'm a prop, dammit. already got a scrum-cap, if i wear an armour too i'd be the world's most sissy prop. grr stupid jimmy, he said i looked so cute in the scrum cap he didnt have to heart to kill me. @$@$**@*!$!@# i'll show him ! i'll give an angry face the next time he sees me ! -laughs like a maniac-

What's with Friendster, anyway ? :)

Who's going for the halloween thing on the 25th ? it's a one dollar entrance fee. hold on hold on, i know that sucks, but it's for the needy students, i heard. c'mon, it's only a buck :) how many poor arses are out there these days anyway ? y'all with ya sigg bottles, deuter bags, mambo wallets, ralph lauren shirts. come on ! ONE fricking buck ! i'm considering jasmine's idea of going as the incredible hulk. problem is, cant find green paint. everyone seems to agree i should do it. hmm... taking heavy consideration :D

*but my love is all, i have to give.. without you i dont think i could live/
i wish i could give the world to you, but love is all i have to give...

Love's so bizarre. cant get cha outta my head. seriously, i cant seem to look at other girls. guess its the magnetic attraction of Cupid's magic. sometimes its annoying, but its really a likeable feeling.

ah well, sleepy... nighty bloggie ! :D

Finally ! went to borders in the afternoon and got the newest book in the New Jedi Order series. it's the Final Prophesy. Only went there 'cause tim called me 2 nights ago to tell me 'bout it. haha thanks tim :)

Just for tim's benefit, shall tell u what happened since Vector Prime. hmm... okay, lemme try remembering, the empire and new republic have a truce. then the yuuzhan vong invade the galaxy. they take dubrillion and some other planets in the outta rim territories. for the next 2-3 years they keep pushing the republic back till they finally take coruscant. erm, what's the chancellor's name ? the bothan guy who annoys everyone, he kinda redeems himself by blowing himself and thousands of yuuzhan vong warriors in his office building when they captured the capital planet. by this time the yuuzhan vong's pretty much strained their resources, since most of their fleet was sent to capture coruscant, and their losses were quite significant. oh wait, chewbacca died in Vector Prime :( ( this is what i think of R A Salvatore --> @)$*)*!*@(!(#&(!&(#$@&($( never write star wars books no more freak ! u'd probably kill off luke or some important character again ) then... a group of young jedi knights are sent to a yuuzhan vong worldship and only half their numbers returned, excluding anakin. he died too. ( @$)!@()!())!@(@# ) tahiri's lost, jaina's lost too. jacen's captured by the yuuzhan vong, and he learns a startling truth about the force.

Before this, the jedi cant sense any yuuzhan vong. it seems that their not even part of the force. then jacen meets with Vergere, a jedi knight of the old republic. she lived with the vong and she tells jacen that there's really no such thing as the good or dark side of the force. thats the shameful truth of the jedi. the force is like a river that flows across the galaxy, where different people of different characters drink its endless water. people turn to the dark side not because there's some kind of evil power that corrupts them, but its the evil inside those human beings that corrupt them into becoming dark jedi, who're ultimately sith. so far the republic's repelling any vong, and they've made an alliance with the imperial remnant. then luke and mara go on a search for the living planet called Zonama Sekot. ( btw tim, it's first mentioned in the book Rogue Planet, obiwan and qui gon jin went there to look for vergere, and theres hints that the planet tried repelling some alien fleet, which is obviously the vong's ) it finally agrees to aid the galaxy in its quest to repel the yuuzhan vong.

And erm.. Nom Anor, remember him ? he made himself the prophet, the one who'll redeem the shamed ones, and he's making them believe that the jedi are the their saviours, but its all just a pathetic ploy to get rid of overlord shimrra. so far... i think they're about to discover their origins lie with Zonama Sekot. the new republic's gone, and it's now the galactic alliance ( shitty tho it may sound ) oh, han and leia managed to get the Chiss to aid the alliance too. haha we gotta meet up some day la tim, then i can pass u all my books. :)

Those who claim themselves to be HARDCORE star wars fans and have absolutely no clue as to what i'm talking about.... sod off :D u call urself hardcore fans ? HA !

well, gtg, wanna read The Final Prophesy :) night !

(btw, tim, know how hyperspace and lightspeed travel came about ? it's invented by an ancient race called the Rakata. i'll tell u more la, just gimme a call or meet up ! )

Hrm hrm.

Let's see... today's sunday, which means.. 2 days ago would be..

Friday :D

Leap Carnival, Day 2. went to prepare for the Fun Touch competition. again, i didnt do much, though i was in charge. i really gotta work on responsibility. renrong, we didnt talk much in primary school, that's why you probably thought i was responsible :> the games on day 2 werent fun :( anyway couldnt take part in anything 'cause i was an organiser. oh wait, the game set up by the squash girls was fun.. haha joe had to crawl through this web of strings. was quite amusing. i couldnt walk through the web 'cause.... i'd break the strings. the most fun part was throwing 5 squash balls through holes in cardboard. got 1 outta 5 in only, sadly. then watched the singaporean film 15, by roystan tan.

Know what ? 15 really reminds me of many of my sec sch friends, and those from outside. believe me, you want me to choose those guys from the "better" classes to the guys from the "tail-end" classes ? i'd choose the latter. i dun want some nerd for a friend who tries to put up a front by befriending you, then when u turn your back, he stabs u and deep down inside, he just wants to compete better grades with you. that sucks. yeah sure, those bengs are vulgar, they do lotsa stupid stuff. so what ? when you're their friend, they'll go tooth and nail for you. they may seem macho on the outside, but deep down inside, they're just kids who want security. know why there're gangs out there ? when they form gangs, they feel secure.. i think. who's the people who's always there for you ? them. they believe in "brotherhood". in chinese, that would be Yi Qi. do those backstabbing phuckers from the "best" classes do that ? nah, dont think so. well, not all la :) i'm only refering to some people. ( marists : jared kong familiar, guys ? ;) )
they take drugs. they smoke. they fight. why ? they just need someone to understand 'em. some teachers are just screwed up, they dont bother to understand these students. they just think : lazy bums who dont wanna study, get outta school, dont distract your other classmates who want to ! i mean, phuck u, bitch ! you're a teacher ! yeah, you teach maths, but is that all what a teacher's about ? perhaps thats why i wanna be a teacher. i feel for those out there who're misunderstood. heh, james lim. crazy bugger, gang fights, smoking, everything la. got kicked out in sec3, and he's in NS now. i miss that guy :) he may seem crude and seem like an asshole, but he's really nice. pity, he's definitely a smart guy, but i guess studying's not meant for him. well, hope he can make use of his talents some where other than the academic side of our society.

Mmm, the day after Friday would be...

Saturday.

i dont feel like talking 'bout sat, but maybe i should... had a really big row with my mom. dont wanna type a long entry on this, but in short, i wanted to go to joe's choir at Wesley Methodist Church, she was cross with that. said i defied her, disobedient bla bla bla. got angry, started arguing, then went to meet joe. came home at 7, and my dad smsed me that both of 'em went to taka. i mean, **** MAN you couldnt tell me that u were going to taka when u were at home instead of telling me when u reached there ? ended up eating with christian at J8 mos burger, then my mom called me and started screaming. sorry chris, had to leave u there to eat alone. came back home, she was waiting for me, had another big row. bla bla bla... one thing's for sure, she's a traditional woman. but all i wanna say is, hello ? it's the 21st century, dear mommy. you dont wanna change and live in the past ? fine with me, dont pull me into that black hole with you. ............ dont get me wrong :) i dont hate my mom, i just hate the way she's so conservative. i love her, yeah, but i dont like what she does. but as i always say, i just have to put up with it man. if you cant put up with the shitty thigns in life, go commit suicide. face it, or dont. well, if she keeps tightening her grip, she'll just keep losing me through her fingers. i told her that, obviously she's pretty thick, dont think it went through her, but at least i feel so much better telling her what i feel. ( tim, u were right :) once u told me one day i'm just gonna blow up and tell her straight in the face ? haha, it happened last night :P )

Oh well. pretty long entry eh ? jonathan : my entries are long, deal with that. if you dont like long entries, then dont read. :P anyway, be patient la, cock :) u dont read books do u ? so impatient, how do you read books man ? :) hehheh =P


Aphrodite/Eros


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha. i'm romantic. that has yet to be seen. whats my ideal of a romantic night ? hmm... eating ? haha nah thats a hobby, not a romantic night :D maybe......... out with the one i love, dinner, walking along the beach, talking, actually all these are meaningles. just being with a loved one and cherishing that moment, thats sufficiently romantic :)

Was hoping there's a greek god of Rugby but unfortunately rugby was invented less than 2 centuries ago, not 5 millenia ago :( heheh. well, cheers ! gotta clear up that stack pile of books and notes on my desk now. hope England'll face NZ in the finals...

Woo Wee. got myself a gold medal. haha, viper's the champs for tug-of-war. well, joe would beg to differ, since marlin lost to us coz they had 3 guys to 4 of us. ( well, those other 3 on my team arent exactly rugby-material ) anyway, winning it's not that glorious, since we had 1 more than marlin. well, nvm.. at least marlin was the only satisfying opponent. the others were just walkovers.

I joined basketball too, but lost in the first game, and won the second ( wad cha expect ? mark lin played ! ). there was supposed to be a third... but didnt go for it 'cause i ran off for tug-of-war :P well, at least it was worth it. and i gotta say, i have to start running again, my stamina's THAT BAD now ! training starts tmr... oh yay. i'm in charge of tmr's Fun Touch tournament, so i wont be able to play any games...

Ah well.. what did i really wanna talk about today ? oh yeah.
Responsibility.

I'm really irresponsible. When responsibilities come flying to me i'd run away. i never wanted to be a leader ( well, i got SABOed -_- ) but i do realise i cant just fling everything away. i disappointed ms ong, every single Viper student. ah sigh. and eagle got the cheerleading trophy now. okay, so i already told the class raps from my house to ask their classmates, but never got a reply, but i shuddef asked Again. -bitch slaps myself- and i almost lost henry's ball 'cause i assumed jian lin would take it. so what if viper's got quite a few trophies ? the cap'n sucks, trophies come down to nothing. i really really really have to change. why do i push responsibilities away ? laziness i guess, pure laziness. so i was younger, and there werent many responsibilities falling to me, but i am growing up and there'll be bigger and important ones to come.

I have to change. losing 'cause its my entire fault's really one big dagger in my heart. i'm damn angry when i lose. i hate losing. everything jamal makes us play in games, we lose and lose and lose. the fustration just builds up, strangely i dont think it'll blow me up, i think it'll motivate me to work even harder, and even that ? i wont. Lazy lazy lazy... gotta work on laziness too.

But this doesnt mean i'm completely disappointed :D happy that Viper did well, but not that well. hope ppl will bring more gold trophies in :D wonder who's in Viper's touch team ? jin chao and MELVIN TAY ? nah hopefully not, melvin only knows how to scream. hey, at least the dude's got screaming talent :D i hate it when jian lin bitches about wah marlin got joe got jimmy got ME, and goes about viper and the purple colour. i dont mind other people bitching about viper and purple, but not him. he really thinks he's damn good ? lol. i duno. he's my gd friend la, but i really cant stand it when he does that. sometimes he just goes overboard and not realising it.

Whoopedidoo. who am i to bitch about others ? i'm not Mr Perfect either. aye, i'm in a happy mood though many things happened to me today.

What's with that joanne girl anyway ? joanne, the pink one, with the pink bag, pink hairband and pink shoes. okay, so she's good looking, but she's not THAT good looking. wonder why everyone's going ga-ga over her. me ? i duno, maybe i'm blinded by love, but i know that i think with my brain and feel with my heart. lol, whats scary is when jian lin and weijie came over to my place during the sept hols they mentioned about her, and even THEY knew where she lived. they dont even know her man ! she lives around the Lento area i heard. i'm worried for that joanne, lol. her home's public knowledge to every guy in nanyang jc.

Gonna end, but before that, tim... you're scaring me. never seen you so pissed in your life before. chill dude. one day you're happy, the next you're telling people to... sod off. just remember the happy times in sec sch man :D like flaming the frying pan during home ec or boon pin playing ball with us :D hey wonder how's the Boon Man now ? still the same ? haha, i hope NOT.

*more than words is all you have to do to make it real, then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, 'cause i'd already know...

Bloggie, bloggie, what's it gonna be ?
You and me ?
Left alone again, on this cold, dark world ?
Thinking about some girl ?
"NO, it ain't a cold dark world !" i'd scream.
Well, it doesnt seem
Like it's the end, innit ?
It's how you see it, bloggie, boggie.
Look on the bright side, and soon, you'd go "Gee,
The world ain't the cold, dark place it seemed !
it's so much better, than what you'd think it to be !"
Peace :)

Lynn, Esta : cheer up LA. stop entering into darkness and come into the light. ( that was soooo NOT colloquial ) stop brooding, and start thinking. what ever's hurting you, you gotta go away for a while, and think it through. yea, stay happy :) there's only two ways you can do about it, look on the bright side, or on the other. choose ! damn, it aint that hard ! looking on the bright side's the only way for you to go on and get better right ? :) just cheer up girls.

Wooo... the rugby world cup's getting to me. really, it is. the way everyone's playing, it's really inspirational. everyone's going 100%, many get injured. why ? you'd ask, why would these men risk damaging their precious bodies for one ball ? it's the passion. they don't play rugby 'cause they want the money ( maybe i'm wrong on that one, but it's never the only reason why people play sports ) or it's "kool" or it's for the CCA points ( which is bloody stupid, if u ask me. ), they do it for the sport. like oscar wilde, artists draw art for no other reason but for the sake of art ( notice all the artists remain poor before they die :D )

Know why Singapore'll never make it for ANY sport ? There's no culture. Why's the Americans so damn good at basketball ? Why's new zealand so damn good at rugby ? why's brazil so damn good at soccer ? why's india so damn good at cricket ? It's a culture, just like eating and STUDYING's two cultures of Singapore. soccer aint even close, here, though it's the most popular sport. MOE's really silly. CCA points ? peopel join CCAs 'cause of the bloody points to gain a higher chance of entering University ? it all comes down to studying, doesnt it ? It's very sad. i'm refering to my teammates too. i wont name them, but there're really some guys who just do it for the points, but at least there's people like andy, jian lin and joe ( i hope :P ) who're doing it for the game. raffles and anglo-chinese players love the game. yeah, sure, they train like there's no tomorrow, but they dont go to that kinda pain solely for points.

I just hope my teammates will go toe and nail for it. hey, i'm not saying i'm perfect. i'm guilty too, i was really soft in my previous games. i gotta work hard on myself too, before i start criticising the other guys too, eh ? oh well. training starts next tuesday. haha, one word to describe what i'm thinking about it. "DIE"

There you go. thoughts for today, bloggie bloggie. ( what's with bloggie bloggie ? :) i'm getting hyper. OH NO ) before i leave... SAB dont pressurize me :( if Viper aint the champ i'm gonna be sad. i mean it.

sabananananananananas. says:
byeeee
sabananananananananas. says:
tm leap carnival sia GO VIPER!!

Why did I come to school ?

Thats a question worth asking.

Oh, LEAP's tomorrow :D what to do what to do what to do. getting worried, cheerleading's tomorrow and i havent done anything :D well, it's a bit more comforting to know that joe didnt hand in his class reg form. hahaha yongjie's beside me annoying people by typing nonsense in their tag boards. the friends i make :)

Oh oh oh oh oh GUYS guys guys !! i meant my marist friends. hey guys ! guess what ? i met Mr De Hamel ! remember our horny comp teach ? :P~~~ thats 'im. there was this US university in the morning, and i saw him. man has he grown fat ! got his name card, he's working for American Academic Alliance. it says : JASON DE HAMEL programme consultant ( my guess it's one of those bullshit talks he gives :P ) haha first thing he said, hey man, how ya doin ? u punk, i'll lay the smack down on your candy ass. thats mr D for you :)

Oh this is boring. oh well, kitty, this one's for you :)

We've shared our secrets with each other,
And it continues going strong.
We've stayed best friends through decisions made,
Whether they be right or wrong.
As our lives change back and forth,
From one thing to another,
We will always stay in contact,
Best friends forever.

I'm worried for dad. he tried fixing the pipe in the bathroom and hurt his left arm. said he might be injured, and he was groaning when he was sleeping. oh hope he's fine...

Ah love love love love love. how it drives everyone crazy.

i can't explain my feelings for you
it's just too much to say,
but all i do is think of you day after day...

you don't understand how much i wish
that you could be just mine,
and maybe it will happen
it might just take some time...

i don't know how or why
my feelings are so very strong
but i do know that
in my arms is where you belong...

i know i've only known you
for just a little while
but ever since i met you,
i can only think of your beautiful smile...

i wish you would look me in my eyes
and say you want me, too
but until then- i just want you to know
i will wait for you

Haha okay today was... erm, Quite fun. it wasnt super duper fun, but still had fun. first, i'd like to apologise to joe. sorry man, couldnt join you. i'll go out with you another day dude ! :)

okay.. i reached novena station at 10.20, 20 mins later than the meeting time. now, i'm always early or worst, punctual. so i thought, damn man, i'm late. turns out i was the second earliest, kenneth came 30 mins before 10. we walked around novena mall till kat bryan and adam came. then sab met us at 11++ haha zhu la sab ! woke up at 10.30 =P then we ate at pizza hut. haha, and i bragged 'bout my super record of 28 slices in 3hours. so far havent heard of any better records than that. yes my faithful readers, i'm proud of it :D

We went to her condo opposite pizza hut. what did we do ? watch Anime all afternoon !! haha it doesnt sound that bad ! the anime was nice. it's about this high school girl who's appetite can rival MINE, she gets zapped back into ancient china. falls in love with this guy. she's supposed to be some person who's gonna unite 7 guardians, and the guy's one of 'em. she likes him. he likes her. the emperor ( also one of the guardian ) likes her. bla bla bla. it may sound dumb, like most anime, but the love plot for anime always compensates them :) then adam bryan and kenneth went for a short swim, leaving me with sab kat and daena. it's kinda scary, being left all alone with 3 girls. okay thats fine. i'm fine with 3 girls in a living room, and i'm the only guy there. then things start to get u worrying. 3 girls going "oooo" and the "ahhhhs" and all the screaming whenever the handsome dudes from the anime showed up. ( haha sab took a photo lor. i wouldnt take a photo of an anime babe man. -_- hahaz ) i had to make do with a adam's GQ mag. hahaz, then we left after watching nine episodes.

Comparing anime to gaming at home, i'd choose gaming, but i've been doing that since promos ended. thats gonna bore anyone man. besides, finally a classouting. sorry mates, couldnt join y'all ytd at Ubin. i cant cycle :\ hahaha ( prvt joke : kat, couldnt bring my hovering craft to Ubin :( cost would be too much for me to handle. but i'll show it to you the next time you come to my place :D )

Okay.. gonna sleep. haha had fun today :)

ps i'm so DEAD. ms ong's gonna kill me for not organising any cheerleading YET

Good morning ! :)

Going to Sab's place with my 03a1 'mates to chill, i hope. cold morning anyway, raining and all. then maybe if the movie works out will go with daryl and joe and the usual peeps ( i think ) to catch Underworld.

Ah.... esta... join the choir la. Sopranos need younger, prettier girls like you ! =P hahaha, i know i'll receive HUGE comments from joe 'bout this one. anyway est, cheer up. don't be hurt by love. God created love because we're supposed to be happy from love, not get hurt ! cheer up, girl. you'll realise one day that it'll turn all right for you, and you'll be with your one-and-only :)


Youth


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


There's only one thing i'd say about joe's choir mates... they are CRAZY ! wahaha

Had breakfast with my family at PS before meeting joe. went to park mall at hans and met with three of his friends. one's jason, i think.. i forgot the other guy and there's the indonesian guy, who's just as crazy as the both of us. forgot his name too :\ his choir's pretty old. the two of us were the youngest, and the rough mean age of the peeps there's about.. 35 ? sops were really olo, could use Ester :D haha Ester ! thanks for tagging my board anyway. join joe's choir man, i think i'm gonna join permanently if my mom allows. anyway yeah, if you know ginny and winnie, then u should know su mei and noodle too ? yea anyway... i hope they'll let me sing with them at the esplanade on the 19th of dec. heheh. it's been more than a year since i've last sang in a choir. really gotten rusty.

Oh i think i saw rachel's mom and younger sis at the supermarket in kovan centre. Really... the entire family's clones ! the females at least.. never seen her bro or father before. bizarre :D i wouldnt want my bro to look so much like me !

OEI jonathan. add me. i'm lazy to add u, i'm sorry :( Weilien, i duno if it's my fault, but i bet she's hurt too, and i feel really bad for that. but... guess life has to move on eh ? yeah. cant dwell on the past all the time. anyway i dont like her anymore. its just that i'm feeling guilty, thats all. well, i dont wanna talk about this anymore... and just move on.

Ah. my birthday's coming, in 17 days :D joe's 6 days before mine only, on the 23rd. i hope training begins after the 30th :) if not... ---> :( Poling Season begins. i dunno what i want for my birthday. well, i dont mind sex toys :D but i think my mom would. what would be a special birthday.... for me, it's spending with the one u really care for. the one who u cherish all your life. yeah, that would make it special... a special birthday isnt a huge bash or 100s of presents. thats meaningless. well... i wouldnt mind an all blacks jersey too. lol. i'll ask my dad... i think he wants to get me an MD but i dun really listen to music 'cept when i'm at home. ah... well... until then...

PS cant wait for LEAP carnival. ( OH CRAP ms ong is gonna KILL MEEEEEEE.. i havent organised the House cheerleading yet ! ARGH )

Change. why do people change ? it's a process where by people just... become different in some ways. i've mentioned this many times before. the only change in me... i think about stuff. like i was reading Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray, lord henry wotton really struck me. his words affect Dorian's thoughts. he didnt affect Dorian alone, he affected ME. how bizarre :D a character from a story book's words are putting my thoughts into conflict with one another. then i think of change again.

What i'm gonna say's probably one of the most personal things to me, but i'm never one to hide my thoughts or feelings... how should i say this ? well... this girl, i met in O.I. she's Winnie. i've mentioned her before in my blog, but that was like much earlier in the year. i first met her online in #outram_institute. she's a real nice girl, from plmg. we became friends, and then i started liking her. now, Winnie's not the most stable girls i've known. she breaks down quite easily. i found out from friends that she's really nice to her classmates, but they just walk over her like she's a welcome mat. that's so fucking mean of them man. i was really pissed. sometimes she'd come to school and her eyes were red, and she tells me that she cried the previous night. i really felt damn awful, and i really feel awful and helpless when girls cry. i'd try to comfort her but she would just stay sad, till she figured stuff out by herself. later on, her friends told me that she liked me too, well, naturally i was quite happy. i think it's 'cause i was trying to know her inside, and i was really cross when people just made use of her. i really liked her lots... but then one day, i realised, didnt like her. that was really shocking, even to me. i thought 'bout it, and i found it i pitied her. i didnt like her. why ? that was pretty devastating. i didnt tell her that, 'cause god knows what would happen for her if i did. we stopped seeing each other, i went to NY, she went to SRJC. i havent seen her online, and i really miss talking to her.

I'm such a fool, arent i ? i've cheated a girl's feelings. ha. ha-ha. am i a bastard ? i probably created false hopes for her, and it suddenly came crashing down. now, i'm feeling worse than an asthmatic ant with a heavy shopping bag. so perhaps that's why i'm so scared to fall in love now... i'd hurt the girl i like with my stupidity. oh arent i a heartless beast, bloggie, oh bloggie...

I've until 2.15pm for eng lit paper man. this sucks. econs finished at 10. so that means...4 1/4 hrs. haha okay so i got lots of time to blog. as i promised i shall continue the history part of me...

i think i'll redo everything la. i duno why i'm doing this, but i think its the part in me that wants to remember the happy times of my life.

So... lets begin with, sec1. to disscribe myself, i'm short, fat and ugly. not that i'm any different now anyway, lol. yeah, i came from a mixed pr sch, so it was kinda weird in a sense that everyone around me were guys, but hey, i'm fine with that. sec1, haha, i almost got kicked into normal stream 'cause i was DAMN lazy, lazier than i am now. but i bucked up at the final year exams and sec2 i went. funny, i got ZERO for eng lit that year. haha... so, sec2. thats when i started to grow. REALLY grow. i was 1.6 when i first came into maris stella. by sec2, i was like, 1.7 and i started to grow till sec4. i was growing horizontally and vertically too. my classmates were rubbish too. there's people like terence, weilien, keng hung, lingo and brian mok who're in NY too ! weilien's the only other guy from 2E to be in the arts stream though. remember tim and i, we did lots of shit together la. the home econs crap ( food turning out crappy but still edible, got into trouble many times with Ms liew, frying pans.. going up in fire... now THAT was FUN :D ) then came sec3. i met a whole new bunch of friends. they werent the... "guai" and crappy guys from lower sec that i knew. my results were shitty, so i went to the so-called-lousier classes. but hey man, they were fun too. more fun, i would say, than my lower sec classmates ! people like james, alvin, andy, alexis, zakaria, song feng, gabriel, rayner, donovon... shit man. besides zaka, alvin, andy and me, the rest either retained or got kicked out. 36 guys in sec3, 22 guys in sec4. haha. some went to the other classes too. sec3.. most memorable moment ? i was doing my mid year E maths paper, got bored and played Snake on my 3310, got caught, got zero for it. hahaha come to think of it NOW, that was really Stupid. the other thing was, i got my first ever stroke of the cane on my ass. half the lit class skipped because we didnt know there WAS lit class in the afternoon. now thinking about it, i'm laughing..

Now... sec 4. hmm. interesting year. in the previous three years, i was bloody childish. really really immature. fights and all that. but came sec4, those kinda stuff bored me, and my life kinda turned to basketball. i was really really into basketball. it's my passion, my life. i can still remember mrs wee, mua maths teacher, telling me that if i equal my passion for basketball to mathematics, i'd get an A for it. well, i got an F eventually for the Os, but i am passionate about maths. I hate it with a passion. then, sec4's also the year.. when ah ma passed. that really hurt me deep. nothing's really cut me that bad before. then, i pissed mr ong, my chem teach, off real bad... BAD. haha. all i can tell y'all 's that i was made to lift a table with a chair and my bag on top of it for approximately 30 minutes. well, at least that proved the point about my strength eh ? :D bla bla... time passed real quick. prelims. gaming. 26 points. moma was cross with me. o levels. no pressure what-so-ever. after Os, played ball, went out with friends almost everyday. haha... oh wait ! i missed out on team XL. for those non-marist friends who wonder why the hell i have a basketball jersey with the words TEAM XL printed onto the front, it's my class jersey :D we did that for the Youth Day Celebrations last year. ( ben, josh, we gotta have a TEAM XL reunion dudes. GOTTA )

Well. there you go. the summary of my sec school life. i dont wanna go into my life this year, for one, many things happened to me and there were happy and depressing. i'll do it some other time when i feel like it.

Haha i'm gonna meet joe at LT4 now... cya bloggie.

Economics, what a bore
it's like killing and violence and that kinda gore
What the hell was i thinking
when i put econs down as a sub
It's not like i was in my right mind
Damn, the E department wasn't very kind
when they gave me an F
that was really my death.
When i get home,
me momma killed me
"How did cha get an F, sonny !!!
Tell me !! DUD-LEY !!!!!!"
Now, i havent been a good boy
Been foolin' around like school was a toy
Man, i'm 16
closin' to 17
In twenty one days
How can i behave like a kid and still play
like I'm still in primary school
Oh, why am i such a fool.

Crap. i got erm, like 3 and a half hours before lit. haha, mrs teo, ms chew and ms tan are singing More Than Words. mr toh's playing the guitar. ( don't spoil my favourite song, PLEASE ) haha :P shit it's only 10.49 !! okay shall stop at 11, then study for long day's journey into night.

(btw, to ben : sorry la i'll continue the History stuff after promos yeah ? i love y'all team XL members still :) ... and yongjie.. please stop tagging my board for nonsense :D i encourage nonsense, but not incomprehensible nonsense !)

Just finished my GP paper and reached home. darn i HATE those girls who just hog around the back of the study area. i mean, f*** man get outta the way ! nvm nobody thought of going out through the other door 'cept for me and one other girl :D

got bored during the essay, so wrote a poem. lol. btw the topic i did was : Education always guarantees success. Discuss.

Education
what a waste of time
it's worse than a ball of slime
What made my parents think
to put me in school ? In a blink
of an eye, i'm in JC
Damn, i'd rather be a rapper like Jay-Z
singin' songs
all day long
or playing basketball
like Skip To My Lou
Oh my, what do you think i am ? A fool ?
i love ballin'
it's better than fallin'
for a girl i long
the one that i wish would belong
to me.
( yeah right. i'd give anything to be with her. )

Hell Yeah ! it's all a load of rubbish 'coz i did it in only 2 minutes :D what ever nonsense came to my mind went onto the paper.

Darn time sure passes real quick. what, it's already October !
october 2002... the prelims just ended. i got back my results, 26 points :D not enough to get to a JC but enough to get into Outram Institute. crappy place, nvm, a bit of that later. so mommy wasnt happy 'bout it. yea who cares ? she kept hollering into my ears all night long man, was bloody irritating.
november 2002. O levels. didnt feel any pressure at all. after the papers i played ball like there's no tomorrow.
jan 2003. hmm... went to OI, met MANY old friends, like benji and rachel, my primary school friends :) made lots of friends and had loads of fun there. March. o level results, didnt feel any pressure till the very last second, and i got 16. okay okay, not bad for someone who played all day long during the Os. lol. then i got posted to SRJC, but appealed to NY, so... here i'm in now, NY ! :D blah blah blah... then yeah. shall continue later la. crazy mother, screaming at me to study now. cya.

I went to school at 11 today. haha, coz history lecture was cancelled by our lazy bastard of a teacher kellet and PE was cancelled too. so that would leave 4 free periods, and also another break before GP lecture. i didnt go for chinese though. hahaz go also rubbish wan, kept annoying dalvin with joe. jasmine is scary :\ she keeps saying i'm so cute and she's always trying to poke me.

Had fun at the lib ytd. was checking this site out, where they gave u quizes. you're supposed to guess who's boobs are who's. i think joe's better at guessing than me, haha.

Haiz damn sianz these days. read renrong's blog about her grandma's death anniversary. her mom still cried, i can roughly feel the pain.. everytime my mom thinks of ah ma there'll be tear drops flowing down her eyes. thats damn awful.. i feel awful. i duno what to do when my mom cries. i always feel like crying too. even though she's passed for more than a year already, i still miss her lots. i just feel a sense of lost. i remember thinking that she's gone, and she wont be able to talk to me anymore, and i just cried. really really cried. cried worse than a kid trying to get his mom to buy a toy. i havent cried since then, i hope not. it's really really an awful feeling... I'm just praying for ah ma now. i wish her well wherever she is now, and i hope it's a better place :)

It's 7.57am and i'm in the library with joe now.

What i'm planning to do ?
1. flood manda's tag board :X hahaha sorry manda :2. read long day's journey into night

Haiz dunno what else to do man. ok so joe's gonna find some econs thing on the net and paste it on manda's board. wahahaha damn BORED. definition of boredom ? where joe and i flood tag boards wahahaha ok i think i better stop. be back later....