Just know that I have the biggest biceps in school.




...with the sole exception of ms victor's.




:D




I am proud to say i've studied boey kim cheng. and for that i have to thank joel for helping me, both for encouraging me to study :D and to study bkc. then we came to the topic of existentialism. the question of "why do i live ? why do i exist ? why do i breathe oxygen, move about on soil ? do things like mathematics and annoy the hell out of economics teachers during tutorials ?" his is bullshit. he travels to india, he's shocked by the poverty over there just because he grew up in singapore, then he goes to bangkok, greece and spain. big fuckadee doo :) they're poorer than us. like, SO ?



Existence. bullshit. ever since i've been studying lit i've been thinking outta my mind. ya know, it aint such a bad thing to have a narrow view of the world, like most science students do ( haha i'm being biased. sorry. :D ) to boey kim cheng, life appears to be an aimless direction, you're like an asteroid, screaming ( but no one'll hear you i guess ) across the endless void, hitting possibly anything, any time, any place. i know i'm definitely still flying about in space, some where, i 've no idea when i'm settling down, but i dont think i plan to.



I found myself questioning religion a couple of years back. i dunno what made me do so, but i just did, and i couldnt stop thinking about it every day for a long time. okay, i didnt find the answers to my questions, i still havent, it's just that i've placed my questions of God and religion somewhere, waiting to be dugged out again some time later. maybe now, maybe tomorrow. i dont know. i wont, till it happens. that's Fate i guess, the Fate Man talks about. right now ? i'm taking things one at a time. maybe some would think i'm stupid, not planning my future ahead of me, but whenever i do, i'm lost planning, 'cause too many things just enter into my head. so.. for now.. i'm taking things at a time. For Now.............

Name : Dudley. duh like u didnt know that !!

Would you ever date someone younger than you?
:yea why not ? as long as she aint young enough to be my niece or daughter.


Someone Older: why not ? it's the 21st century. wouldnt mind dating someone even 5 years older than me.. older than that.. nah ahaha

Ever been drunk: eh no, but i wanna try, but joe's highly against it, and he's got a good point. who's gonna carry me home when i'm drunk man ?

Been in love: one time too many.

Loved someone who you knew you couldn't have
: just happened.

Gotten in a car accident: thank the Lord, no

Broken a bone: nah

Had your heart broken: yea. Ouch.

Last time you said I love you to someone:
eons ago and yet it just happened.

Last time you cried: erm.. oh the acs I rugger dude, who lost his father a couple of days before the B Division finals against st. andrews. man my hat's off to him. God bless ya dude.

Last time you laughed: seconds ago. u gotta catch me on the wrong day to see me frown man. on other normal days, dudley'll be laughing 24/7 :D

Where do you see yourself in 10 years:
lit/eng teacher. career in rugby.

What age do you see yourself married at?:
i dunno. can never say for sure.

Describe your dream wedding:
hm, i wont put it down here :P and besides i'll leave it to my girl. girls do have dream weddings all the time, dont they ?

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? :
rugby ball ??

If you could dye your hair one color what would
it be:
nah dun wanna dye it. but given a choice it'll be red hahaha

Do you eat chicken with fingers or with a fork?
either.

Would you rather give or receive?
give, but receiving's nice, i wouldnt deny that.

How many homes have you lived in?
7 i think.

One pillow or two?:
two !

Do you get along with your parents?
yep ! sure do :p not a momma's boy for nuthin'

Do you drive?
soon !

What kind of car do you have?
trajet

Whats your fav. colors?
bright colours i guess. red's my fav. black and white's awesome too !

Do you work?
still schooling.

Whats your favorite food:
uncountable :D

Do you have braces?
nah !

How many guys/girls have you kissed?
one.

When was the last time you went on a date?
a yr ago

Have you ever got in serious trouble?
eh. haha of course. only whimps dun get into trouble in boys' schools.

Why is the sky blue?
guess the scientific reason's coz of the reflection of the ocean, which is blue.

Who was your first crush?
haha i cant really rmb. gotta be some girl in pri sch.

Are you the romantic type?
can say so.

Have you ever been chased by cops?
nah, but it sounds like fun :D

What's a secret you've never told anyone?
i know the guy who actually gunned JFK down :)

Date:26th april 04
Time: 9.50pm




Fucking bored, if i may say so :)



Come to think of it, it's real nice our ocean's got a beautiful blue-ish colour. just think for a sec, wouldnt our world suck if it was reddish or orangy ? or even purple. YUCK. purple. wont imagine that much.


Bet Esta would :P

I love joshua.




Yes i do know there are many joshuas in my life, and as gay as it sounds, i dont give a flying fuck ! note how unfair it is when it's alright for girls to hold hands and hug, and it's NOT when guys do those things. again, i don't care :) and back to the joshuas part, it's joshua sim that's going into NS ! good luck dude !! you will survive... and though our seoul garden showdown's postponed, it's still gonna be inevitable when we clash man. waiting for that day...



It was as calm as this, that happy night
When Mary, thou, and I together were,
The low decaying Fire our only light,
And listen'd to the stillness of the Air !
O that affectionate and blameless Maid,
Dear Mary ! on her lap my head she lay'd
Her hand was on my Brow,
Even as my own is now ;
And on my cheek, I felt thy eye-lash play.
Such Joy I had, that i may truly say,
My spirit was awe-stricken with the excess
And trance-like depth of its brief happiness.



*hooked on a feeling/
high on believing.................... :)*

To Believe. it is a powerful tool, one that gives a person the ability to control. And by Believing i do not mean religion alone. i mean to-Believe in anything. the fact that every individual wants to Believe in something just reflects on the vulnerability and insecurities of the Human Being. To Believe may reflect our vulnerabilities, but have you given thought, that, how much stronger a person can be when he is Believed in ? the power a Man can wield to his advantage when a sphere of Belief surrounds him.






Don't Believe me ? :)








Come on. give it some thought. let's try..... Derrick, the bald dude in American History X. he made lots of people Belief that the bloody foreigners in his country should just fuck the hell out. he goes into jail, comes out and realises there are thousands of Americans who hail him as a god.


Ok that wasnt really concrete an example, since it's a movie, and movies always come into question. -_-





Try.... Gandhi. dude got his tiny black arse kicked out of trains in countries that the whites hailed themselves as superior in when he was in his 20s. 2 decades later he's got an entire sub-continent of indians that actually Believed in him.


Adolf Hitler. he made Belief that the germans were the superior race, and because of that 6 million jews alone died in 6 long, torturous years of war. alright, so 60 million germans is insignificant a number to the 6 billion people of Now, but i'm telling you man, 60 million is still a fucking huger number :)


Bin laden. he's got Al Qaeda, and a whole shit-load of muslims that actually back 'im up. so maybe the fall of two famous towers in New York would be a minute matter compared to a World War, but he has made our history testbooks thicker, innit ? (the Bastard.)





Belief.



Believe me man, it's one heluva Power :D

Parents always think they're right in what they do. mine just took a couple of hundred bucks without me knowing and putting it into the bank. okay, so it ain't bad for my cash to be kept somewhere, but at least have the fucking decency to tell me before u take my money ? and it doesnt seem all that wrong to them when she took it without telling me first, when she's always telling me to inform her whenever i take cash from the handbag. Contradictions of life. figures.


Joshua's bbq was nice, and it really makes me think what'll it really be like if josh, me, joe and daryl were classmates :)



Oh drank a bit at josh's place, didnt get high though, but i did drink more at home. some things've gotten in my mind that's making me tear. as i've written in the previous entry, i dont really want to read the wrong intentions again. it's tiring, fustrating, even annoying. josh's right. everything begins with a woman. love begins with a woman. life beings within a woman. happiness starts from a woman. such Power. the ability to start happiness, life and love, and the power to end happiness love and life.


Like a sword, excalibur, so strong and shining with pride, only to be shattered into fragments of steel to decay.

I dunno what to do these days.


Damn scared i'm reading the wrong intentions and situations again, like i always do. one moment it seems right, the next, it seems otherwise. i'm sick and tired of getting the wrong outcomes time and time again. and right now with my responsiblities as house cap and A div's coming up, my mind's blowing up. seriously, i've never been stressed up in my life before, and this is my First. funny huh, Dudley Stressed. man it doesnt even sound connected !



The first time i drank alcohol, i think that was sec2. was the home ec exams, and i cooked some crap la, i think it was some jap tofu dish, but it definitely turned out to be crap. one of the ingredients was sake, took a sip, didnt like it. thought i'd never wanna touch beer. haha.



Boy. i was wrong, again :)



Before the start of this year i've always been anti-alcohol, partially 'cause of health reasons, but i started somewhere after that, and now i'm drinking. haha. perhaps people drink to avoid problems, but i dont. i drink just for the sake of drinking :) and i tell u now, heineken's not the best beer in the world, it's the only beer :) what the fuck does tiger and foster taste like man. it's piss. carlsberg ? nah its not good. havent tried the rest yet.. but trust me, heineken is good stuff. alrite, not to digress... i'm always contradicting myself la. i dunno if it's good or bad, but i always do. told people i dont like beer 4 mths ago, and now, 4mths later, i'm in love with beer.



So now everything's a fresh new start. Deja Vu ? hope not.






(i'm writing incoherent stuff in my blog. so screw me.)

Thinking a lot more than other people do, does not constitute the fact that you're deep. so wake up your idea !!!!!!!



:D




And i'm not talking about boey kim cheng alone.

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla






Furnulum pani nolo.
"I don't want a toaster."
Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. You have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla






You feel happy, and loved. Nothing could be any
better for you....you may even have a love one
in your life....go you. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla





I'm bored :)

Fate.

The inevitable.

As they always say, you can run, but you sure can't hide.

You know it's gonna happen. Try as you might, it's inpossible to resist. It's otiose.

And why do I constantly torment myself with questions, endlessly bombarding myself with thoughts so sharp they pierce into my very soul ?

A phase of my life has ended, and another begins. But somehow it just seems to me like deja vu...

Constant disappointments. you're willing to give it all, sacrifice everything, and it turns all out to be nothing.

Everything begins once again, and somehow it always seems brighter at the beginning, but it grows darker and darker and darker and darker and darker, till the end, the shadow consumes you and you're devoured in an icy cold abyss. you feel the stabbing pain, yet there is no pain. Funny.

It's beginning all over again, the start of yet another revolution.








I'm a perfect pessimist. So suck me.

Am i an apostate ? Sometimes I'm a believer, sometimes there are things that make me un-believe.. Things don't get any more simpler than this.



Forlorn of all Hope...



Now do i realise, praying for selfish reasons is wrong, and they're never answered, 'cause whenever i pray for someone else, it always comes true.



That's life :) the irony of contradictions, just being cynically positive.





Booyakasha

L O V E - A Journey
Why hold someone back... when u know u don't
love them...
Why keep them to yourself... when u know you
won't wanna have them?
Why let them miss other chances...when they can
have them?
If you really don't love someone....let them
go...hurt them NOW... not later...for a longer
relationship builds stronger emotions...

A good relationship isn't a game you play or an
ego trip you take. It is about love and two
people.

Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we
can ever know and it can hurt more than we can
believe too. When it does not really hurt when
that person did something disappointing to you,
but really hurts when you see that person in
pain and sadness, then you know you truly love
that person.

Loving someone means you should be ready to
experience heartache and happiness at the same
time.That's the reward and that's the risk.
Unless we are willing to experience it, we will
never really know what it's like to love and be
loved. Sharing love is probably the most
valuable and meaningful experience a person can
ever have.And there's a difference between being
in love with someone and loving someone. It's
the difference between a love that's fickle,wild
and short-lived and one that's tender and
passionate,nurturing and lasts a long time. The
first is easy. The second, the one that really
matters to all of us,takes work because it's
about keeping a relationship.

Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able
to communicate with each other. Nobody can read
anyone else's mind. We always presume that our
partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in
time we might be able to predict or sense each
other's thoughts but it's never perfect and
takes time to develop. Getting the chance to
love and be loved by someone is blessed. Respect
him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want
him/her to be. Everyone is pretty and special in
his/her own special way. No one is perfect. It
is true love which closes the gap of
imperfectness to form a smooth surface of
acceptance for each other. True love sees and
accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also
true love which makes a person change for the
better. The power of true love to a person is
undeniable. A relationship needs commitments
too. What is love without commitments from each
other anyway? It's like principles and values.
Everyone has them but they only mean as much as
we are willing to stand for them. The same goes
for our commitments to relationships, and the
person we love.

"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to
find, hard to net, but easy to break." Every day
everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how
many of these relationships are self-sacrificing
love, and not just relationships which are
formed only for the intense! feeling of falling
in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the
magical words "I love you"... but more often
than not, the truth is just I am IN love with
you. There is a difference between being in love
with someone and loving someone. If a person
says he/she is in love with you, he/she means
that he/she likes you for who you are now and
he/she fell in love with you because of the
present you. This kind of love is temporary and
lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When
fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us
back to reality, we see the heartache of such a
relationship... where both were only IN love
with each other. But if a person says he/she
loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you
unconditionally for who you are now, who you
were in
the past and who you might be in the future.
When he/she says he/she loves you and really
means it,you have to ask yourself if you love
him/her too or if you're in love with the idea
of being in love. It is very hard to see the
difference through logical thinking. Let your
heart guide u. May you be blessed on your soul-
searching journey = for your soul mate.

ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE? ASK YOURSELF!
Is this true love? Do I really love him/her? Or
izzit just another infatuation? R U willing to
give? Even though you may not get back the same
amount you gave? R U cheating yourself? Thinking
that you really love him/her and not just taking
him/her as a substitute for your ex-
boyfriend/girlfriend?

Friends, let today be the day....... you truly
understand love....... If after reading this and
answering all the questions,you are very sure
that you love him/her,tell him/her that. Let
him/her know how much you love him/her and that
you are willing to take the risks of being hurt
by him/her in the course of the development of
your relationship with him/her. This is a love
that's sacrificial, R
U ready for it? If you accept someone's
philosophy that is simply their rationalisation
to justify their failure, you accept their
failures!"

**The greatest regrets in our lives are the
risks we did not take.** If you think something
will make you happy, go for it. **Remember that
we pass this way only once.**



Plucked this off Jose's friendster bulletin. lol.

Just got wendy's testimonial ( like FINALLY :P ) fine with everything 'cept for one littttleeeeeeeeeeeee part... : "He knows when to play hard and study hard." so maybe she dun know me that welll after alllll........ :D


Oh i so miss my 4gabriel guys.. josh, ben, giant, yang hui ( at least i see 'im in sch :)) kevyn, shinyew, andrew, alvin, kenyeo............ argh. ben's forever getting grounded.. josh seems to be suffering in RP. our last gathering seems ages ago now...




The lake is serene, the water so blue
I sit by the lakeside thinking of you
Memories of a past, so carefree and gay
Yet I sit here still, thinking of you all day
So gently the waves caress the sand
Like lovers' touch for each others hand
The splendors of love are endless
like my love for thee, limitless





Wanna watch the Passion. bet i'll cry in that movie. oh jeepers. i'm off, again.

Sweet Child O' Mine

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go...
Where do we go now...
Where do we go...

Sweet Child O' Mine





Please don't lie, you said you love me
But this isn't love, just let me free
I'll remember you, you'll still be my friend :)
You broke my heart, please let this end
No, there's no chance, i gave it all
I made a mistake, just let me fall......



Every night i stare into an endless dream, a black hole, an abyss. it's always the same. how interesting, wouldn't you think, that an abyss is nothingness, yet there has to be something inside that seemingly-endless hole. i don't understand it all. perhaps i'd never will. God's left a path, so obvious and bright. i thought i've finally found my way back to that door of happiness. i did not. when i finally reached the door, i realised i didn't have the key to it. i've been staring into darkness every single night, wondering why i never had the ability to open that door, but now i've found my answer : the key never belonged to me.

Jack n Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
but something happened, and 9 mths later,
out came Jack n Jill's little daughter





I'm bored.




A div starts the week after and i'm getting scared as the days go by. scared of what, i've no idea. urgh.



Too tired ( lazy, rather.. ) to blog... oh well. cheers.








:) <--- You've Been Smiley-ed. or as thiam peng would put : You've been Punk-ed

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick,
Jack fell down
and pulled his d***



:)





Helllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


So. the cca bazaar yesterday wasnt great, mainly 'cause not many year ones turned up. i thought the haka was okay, but i almost 'zhao sia-ed' while shouting the commands. well, heard some girls laughing, i dunno why the fook they were, but what the fook ?


Yesterday really sucked. bickered with my mom the entire afternoon. come on, gimme a break. how can she expect me not to holler back when she's screaming her lungs out all the time ? it's annoying. no, really, after 17 years you'd get a little bit too annoyed.


Alrightttttttttttttttttttt my first paper for the As is on the seventh of nov and it ends 26th nov. ok promise i'll go clubbing to see how it's like man :) i'm gonna do stuff after the As that i've never done before. er, not smoking or taking drugs though.


To clear the questions that's been buzzing 'round me in school, i'll put down the answers here :

The shaved head : it signifies my passion and love for the game of rugby. and when i mean fuck soccer, i mean fuck soccer :)

The shaved Eyebrow : look, i know ever since the start of the year people've been calling me the rock, but i am NOT the people's champion :) but it wasnt shaved 'cause i wanted people to stop calling me that ( and it hasnt stopped anyway ) it signifies my love for rugby too, and a new start to life in my final year in nyjc. it'll take months to grow, and i want change to go slow :)



JL sorry man, hope you're not angry at me for injuring your shoulder during training today, a'ight ? :)



The scottish sevens team did come down to train today, yay to that. got a couple of good tips from them. didnt really know who to support for the sevens this coming weekend, but i guess the scots are the first i'll cheer for :) funny thing 'bout their jerseys, there's this "The Famous Grouse" on 'em. i thought Grouse was beer, but joe said it's a duck. haha.. i thought scotland's only famous animal's the locknest. wait, is it spelled the locknest ? ..............



Here's where i say
Gotta Go, cya,
vamoos.
adios.
bye.
i'm ghost.
"up ! up ! and away !"