Do all of us treasure time ? not me. when i was a kid, time flew past slowly, maybe it was because i never paid attention to anything or anyone without serious consideration. 11 months have passed by, and i'm left with only one more to go to my 18th birthday. i havent felt that i've accomplished much, never had a focus, a goal in life... and because of this, i feel empty. i'm a hollow shell without a soul, not quite a nihilist, yet not quite a believer.


Maybe that's my first actual goal.... to find a goal in life. Life's pretty short, after all.....

NOW i'm really stressed. mrs teo's lit scripts were okay, but i'm not too sure about victor's. she cant teach, and she cant mark. euro history was fine as well, but boy was GP a BITCH. that's the source of my stress. @#*()$*)!@)@* ( curse that rhymes with clucking bell. ) as for econs, i'm a bit disappointed, but an improvement IS an improvement :D if they ever have a list of most-improved students, i'd be sure as willy wonker that i'd be heading the list. thiam peng did a calculation.. how 'bout 2100 percent for paper 3 alone huh ?? not baddd.... :D ( you see, the key to happiness, which many of my friends tell me they lack, is to look on the bright side of life. then again when you're perspicacious, astute, discerning, gifted, not to mention muscular, alluring, resplendent... oh STOP IT YOU :D ..... you do tend to look on the bright side of life. ) alright alright alright alright alright.................................................. i havent gotten back sea history yet, neither have i gotten the other two lit papers back. really really really hope i dont feel as disappointed as i did this morning.


YES STRESS HAS HIT !!! joe : aiya a running, screaming dudley is highly improbable. more presumably, a running, screaming AND arms-swinging-around-to-clothesline-innocent-people dudley would be fatal.


Then again, i'm not a violent person. but who knows, excessive alcohol intake's a good man's failing.

I dunno... but after years of pondering about supernatural conundrums, i'm beginning to be a believer... sometimes i get so tired i just let Faith take over my body and soul. and no, i'm not talking about something specific, i mean having faith in anything, in general.

It's just plain foolish to stay so strong when all you have inside is an illimitable void. now.. i just wanna rest, let things be, go with the flow of things. i'm getting older day by day, not younger, and with each and every passing day i wonder if i should just.... Believe.

Ow my aching arms. which reminds me, met edward while i was at the yck gym with john on tuesday. MAN is he nuts, he does dumbbell curls 20kg on each arm !! but he's a big nice fellow :) he's kinda pissed off with the year ones as well.. think they're arrogant. eh joe, he said that u wanted to ask him to play the testimonial match for us right ? haha, i dont think jamal wouldve let him play anyway. and during one of those tens friendlies, he said the year ones were standing like they were modelling at the line outs. shit man, i gotta go back and train 'em for scrums and line outs.



Seeing how edward works out, i'm kinda envious, and at the same time i'm inspired to work even harder. remembering how he tossed melgious outta the field during our friendly back in feb, that's scary. how do you fling a 70 kilogram guy with just an arm ? that's edward man. aye, so i'm kinda looking forward to NS, building up my fitness and shaping up my body. oh i'm getting so self obsessed with vanity.


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Jeez... i'm stressed up man. and no, it's not over school work, but over something. havent drank in quite a while.... just wanna drown my stress outta my body. besides, the plus factor is i've never gone overboard, jsut wanna get drunk and see the kinds of shit i'd do. i know joe tackles dustbins, daryl screams like a madman, john just keeps quiet ( which is good, but it's boring when ur quiet while getting drunk...... )




*to die, to sleep, no more... to sleep to say we end. the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. to die to sleep, to sleep perchance to dream...


Perhaps.. i should stop dreaming.... To Be, And not to be......

So... i was wondering... and i am very sure the entire lit cohort is wondering, what the ****ing hell question is this : Discuss the effectiveness with which O'neill develops the character of Cathleen and her significance in the development of the play as a whole. as joe puts, its like asking the significance of the policeman in the development of the movie Terminator. that just reflects the kind of intelligence that our dear lit teacher possesses. bet even melgious could set better lit questions. ( no offence :D )



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Glad to say i'm gaining momentum in my studies ( FINALLY ) but my life's generally stagnant. i cant break a commitment without being dishonest with myself. my emotional status has hit an all-time low and i tell you it really sucks.




-sigh-

Gee, econs was okay today. gotta admit, mcq, which is paper one, was difficult since i never practice for it ( which i MUST begin by thursday ) but paper two was relatively o-kay. i was BLOODY FORTUNATE that i spotted international trade for the case-study question. oh, and when i say it's o-kay, it's wayyyy o-kay. it'll take a complete simpleton NOT to be able to attempt it :D

People who were wondering about my irascible post last thursday, i'm not THAT angry, just angry. i know not many, and perhaps even none of you, have seen me angry before, because i never direct anger at anyone else but at the person i am angry at, and i guess the size of the fonts exaggerated it too.

Getting aggravated is not good, no matter how much the person's ticked you off, it should never take your smile away :) well.. if she ever crosses me again.. i'll leave it at "if"

One last paper to go, and it's SEA history :( ( wednesday's doesnt count.. after all, how does one study for an unseen paper ?? ) c'mon NYJCians.. let's MUG MUG MUG !!!!!!!!!



From Hero to Zero... Rugger to Mugger...

The conversation i had with john in the afternoon about K really got me going. on the way back home, i kept thinking about her treacherous move against me. bleeding hell. how insidious, that i never harmed her in any single way, and i was repaid with perfidiousness.


I've never ever felt SO DAMN ANNOYED. first you were just an incomprehensible person, so i never had the least bit contempt for you. THAT, however, was the last straw to break on the elephant's buttocks. now, normally, as most people would know, it takes a whole lot of bull just to get me down, but you, my FRIEND ( yes i considered you one, till you blew it. ), i'm completely sick of your bullshit and interminable string of lies.



You've paid for it, after screwing up every single frienship, with that pitiful condition known as Loneliness.

You just arent worth my, or any other person's, time.




.........................





On a lighter note... thiam peng's hair is gonna be a shocker tomorrow. :D

Touching song. it's You Were There by Regine Velasquez ( though i dunno how his name's pronounced. )

I guess you've heard,
I guess you know,
In time, I might have told you
But I guess I'm too slow
That's overly romantic
But I know that it's real
I hope you dont mind
If I say what I feel
It's like I'm in somebody else's dream
This could not be happening to me

But you were there
You were everything I'd never seen
You woke me up from this long
And empty sleep
I was alone.. I opened my eyes
And you were there

Dont be alarmed
No, dont be concerned
I dont wanna change things
Just leave them as they were
I mean, nothing's really different
It's me who feels strange
I'm always lost for words
When someone mentions your name
I know I'll get over this
For sure..
I'm not the type who dreams...
But there could be more

But you were there
You were everything I'd never seen
You woke me up from this long
And empty sleep
I was alone.. I opened my eyes
And you were there...

The rain has stopped
The storm has passed
Look at all the colours
Now the sun's here at last
I supposed that you'll be leaving
But I want you to know
Part of you still stays with me
Even after you're gone
Like an actor playing someone else's scene
This could not be happening to me...



And this time i am constant.. for i've the conscience of honesty to myself.

Puerile instincts of a teenage boy
For he produces jejune answers to his problems.
After years of seeming maturity
The enigmatical entanglements, he thought,
That had been surmounted are all crystal-clear illusions.
Every Thing has been so perplexing
Paramnesia has come to plague his mind.
The numero uno of his life is within reach
But she refuses to bridge the gap,
Which only leads him deeper into his conundrums..

... but the contorting twist is that a simple "Yes" would solve Everything.




How queer.. that your responses are more clinical than a machine itself.

Couldnt sleep last night, and caught a bit of Allo Allo ( or is it Alo Alo ? ) well, it's a British comedy 'bout british freedom fighters trying to get out of the german-occupied france but fail to do so every episode. it's good peeps, go watch it !


Then before that was the amazing race. i never watch it, 'cept for the episode where they came to singapore and met phua chu kang :P well, it doesnt mean anything, but was kinda surprised desmond and nicole's still in the game though they were last. but that's not the point. the point is, desmond's so sweet to nicole even when she's being unreasonable. how rare's that ?

I mean.. just think about a certain Dramatic Couple in school. it's quite the opposite between them. the guy's being unreasonable all the time while the girl's being patient and nice towards him. how rare is that ? he's been such a bloody bastard to her and i still dont understand why she keeps it up with 'im. i'm so cross with him, but i cant do anything, because it's not my place to do so, and it's their relationship. it really pisses me off to see a guy being such an ass for brains towards his girl, and he hasnt learnt anything, yet.




So why cant they all just sod off, and dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.











Again,
Fight for Worldly Intelligence, Not Peace !

Spent the day mugging. i'm gonna EXPLODE soon !!



Aye, teck fainted in the clinic. take care la bud.... must be see chio bu see until faint... hahaha kidding =P relax and take care dudez, prelims coming ! (=



It's amazing how an emotion can remain within my broken shell of a body for so long. who knows, it might even last for years, or for an eternity...




Annoying, how someone thinks that, after a failed relationship, she knows everything. yet in the end, it all comes to nothing, because she spoils everyone else's relationships. stay outta people's businesses ! why do ppl hate u ? 'cause you spoil everything for everyone. so stop it. life may be enigmatic for you, but dont create problems for other people and ruin everything for 'em. notice, how loneliness engulfs you now ? you dont ? smiling at people and backstabbing them afterwards with poisonous words.. that's what you do.


Ticked off by 2 people in 2 weeks. chee peng and now, her. both, insignificant parasitic vexations, like a malaise on your body.



So take the hint !



Strange, how i used to have an immense capacity of being an understanding and accepting person. this, i take my hat of to you thiam peng, how you can just xialan people. haha, can never do that. but now, i think i'll just give up on dullard saps.