So it's New Year's Eve. same old last-day-of-the-year day. so why does it feel different ? why IS it different ? well, one major difference is, i'm not going back to school next week, i'm going back to camp :P

Time really flies, and i dont mean my stay in BMT ( 3 weeks have past already, 12 more to go.. ) this year's been so different, so happening, so crazy, everything's sunk in, but it feels like it's still sinking.

Wanted to go to chinablack or sentosa, but decided not to, rather not feeling like it. think i'll be hanging out with joel and josh this new year's eve. i'm really thankful i've met two incredible friends, because if they never existed, my time in jc wouldve been really different, probably boring as well.

National Service has done some good to me. it's made me realise that i've been taking too many things for granted, and i really felt that i havent been exactly a good son either. everyone tells me that every guy'll mature when they go through the army. me ? i dont know,you tell me. it's only been 3 weeks, and there's still 101 weeks left before my ORD.

Perhaps my longing to study in the US 2 years ago turns out to be not such a good idea after all. if i did, i wouldnt have met so many wonderful people, so many friends...

So what's gonna be my new year resolution ? i've got a few, like one, i'm gonna make up for the last 18 years by reading as much as i can, and may time permit me to do so. two, to serve and protect :D three, stop taking things for granted.



Reading her letter, tears just came rolling down my cheeks. i dont know why. there are so many things i want to say, but i cant, for the sole reason that i dont know how to. i've never been so lost. my mind's made up, my thoughts crystal clear. so what now ? wait, i guess. she's the reason why i believe in God, why i so want to believe.


So i guess... only time can tell. cant rush things.



All i can say is.... *you're my constant star in this mercurial world.








I dont think i have much time to blog in the immediate days ahead. might continue, might not. so i'll just end with a simple greeting :



Happy New Year :)

Seems like an entire year's been slotted into the last 3 weeks. so much has happened... prom which marked the end of jc for me, enlistment, my turbulence during the first couple of days in camp, mr lim's passing... the thousands of lives lost to the tsunami.. the unexpected...


They're just making me sadder.


I think i'll go sleep it over. got wasted the previous night. stupid me.



From This Moment On

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside me is where you belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
I cant wait to live my life with you, I cant wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldnt give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answers to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldnt give
From this moment on
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on..

Three things one would learn in national service :

1. never salute a warrant officer, you'd get f*cked.
2. don't salute a commissioned officer, and you'd get f*cked.
3. call your sergeants "sir", you'd get f*cked too.


All in all... One could condense 3 into 1 :

1. recruits are f*cked :)


Also, i will list out the typical vocabulary used in our daily tekong lives :

1. fuck you, understand ?
2. chao chee bye / chee bye
3. kanina
4. lan jiao
5. simi lan jiao
6. my prick in your mouth izit ?!

Any object or symbol ressembling a phalus is lan jiao or prick, while any thing close to a hole is a chee bye. that's ns for you. it's vulgar-overkill there... so much so that even i'm shocked by it. that's why i'm cutting down on vulgarities already............. hmm, plus one to NS eh ? :)


Just messin' around =p seriously, every guy should have ns. it's like a transitional period for us, from boys to men ( not sure about ben tai though.. ) btw, From Boys to Men's a slogan from the SAF itself.


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Talking to teck about christmas wishes, thank God he reminded me. i've made mine, his is to return to childhood, with transformers and crash dummies. where ARE my crash dummy figurines man ? bloody fun i tell u :) just watching them get blown to bits and then u fix 'em back and then they get blown to bits and then u fix 'em again and then....................humans should've been made that way.


And NO i cant say what's my christmas wish now, can i ? no i'm not being a selfish bastard by listing down teck's xmas wish, because that aint his real one...... i think.


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Getting lazy to blog. just wanna say i miss carolling in a choir. it's the season to be jolly after all.. there's this atmosphere hanging around everywhere, during this time of each year, your heart's just so... light hearted :)



So here's wishing everybody out there, have a wonderful time out there, enjoy yourselves, and Merry Christmas =)

My very first book out after 11 days in camp. i must say, NS is OKAY. in fact, it's better than okay, especially when you're in Delta company. felt damn home sick for the first few days, but was quite happy i met some old friends in School 1 =) oo saw Yong An marching once, lol ! Ming Hwee's in Alpha, Jian Lin and Joe Han's in Delta, so's Chieh Cheh, dunno where's Cornelius.. only met him on enlistment day, Guo Wei's in Kilo =p


The torture in BMTC isnt the training ( which is in fact SLACK ), arent the Sergeants ( who're pretty nice for sgts ), or the part where we'd have to clean up our bunks every morning ( which really isnt much either.. ), it's the bloody LECTURES. you see, to me, NS = No More School, but fate's pretty cruel sometimes. it's really hard fighting sleep when you're nodding off half the time during lectures. can't wait for our 1st m16 firing at the IMT this coming week =)



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The saddest part of enlistment for me, was when i woke up on sunday morning, when mingyan sms-ed to say that mr John Lim passed away. i was shocked, but i never cried. told joe han and jl and they were equally shocked. somehow, i just took it as a nightmare. two days later, jl came into my bunk, showed me a newspaper article of him and his wife, and suddenly everything just set in : i cried in front of my bunkmates. guess they were kinda shocked to see me cry, and that really did my day.


There are no words to describe the intense forlorn emotions that dwell within me, and i wont. they'd only diminish Mr Lim's memory. what i shall say is that, it's bloody hard to accept, but in the end we still must, and life will go on.



My deepest condolences to Mr Lim and his wife's families...



And his passing seems only to deepen my atheism... why are the good ones always taken away ?




Yet another addition to the interminable cycle of questions....

Today is my final day of civilian life, as i head into BMT tomorrow morning. well, i won't be a civilian at least for the next two years. So, a chapter of my life has finally ended last night with prom, and a new one shall commence tomorrow. actually, the feeling's pretty much the same as the ones i felt just before pre-u. a mixture of feelings, i'll be missing my family, my bed, my xbox, my friends, but i'm looking forward to NS too.




For King and Country, then. :D



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I'm really thankful i know joshua ( sim ) and for that i should thank the One above. he's my actual inspiration to read, not just on star wars or dune, but philosophical works by freud, merton, neitzsche etc, and even much more than that... which brings me to think why have i wasted 18 years of my life reading practically almost NOTHING.

This is why i'm bringing a lot of books ( and also a whole lot of other things ) into camp, and i hope i've got the time and strength to read.




I'm really gonna miss everybody. equally missed will be my bed. will the army be an all-guys school all over again ? i should guess so. i'm only praying that my bunk mate's decent, not some cock.



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Prom night was great. took lots of photos i think i almost got a flashbank. everybody looked awesome, the mc was a fool but i'm okay with him :) , eugene and yingqi's prom king and queen, took pics with A1, the ruggers, the marists ( crazy shit man, we kept taking and singing our sch song ), A1X ( i've no idea how thiam, teck, john and i came up with X ) ... oh God i'll miss my friends =( i miss school, because i know i wont be seeing lots of people, i'll miss the retarded nonsense i'd do with joe, the tuesdays and thursdays of rugger training and all the games i've had.......... time has just flew past like that. it's finally hit home : JC life is Over. the As are Over.


Now that school's over, i'm feeling that same jaded feeling i always experience whenever there's the hols. now, there's no more school. i'm aimless. i'm really hoping i'd find some purpose in NS, but i seriously doubt so.


Some things happened since last week which have placed me on a very high emotional level. i may exude that laughter whenever i'm amused, anything's fodder for a good laugh, but just because i appear to be one happy kid doesnt mean i've never been down. when i'm happy, i'm ecstatic. when i'm sad, i'm heartbroken.


Just thought of winnie, and i'm still feeling like a gawdawful bastard. at that time, i was sad, yes, but i never cried. i still feel sorry for what had happened, and perhaps i'm suffering for it now. yes nelson, i've straightened out my thoughts, a long time ago, and i've never been so constant on one thing in my life before.


Suddenly thought of my nephew, who's just come into our world a few months ago. samuel's just so cute :) i've got two nieces and a nephew. there's this unbeatable felicity that one will feel when u have kids around you. they're not mine, definitely, but they do bring a smile to my face and make me forget things that make me unhappy.


I'm really really lucky and glad to have known bros like joe, nelly, josh ( wicker ), josh ( sim ), teck, john, thiam, daryl, steve, marc. without them, my life would definitely be so different.


Joe : i'll always rmb the first time i saw u la, damn nice guy. it was before a lit lecture at the ava in the old school building, u opened the door for everyone and was the last guy to come in. then you were damn friendly to your classmates, i think it was steven u asked to sit nearer to u, haha. and yes the first rugby training i had, the group huddle after training and when you said "maris stella sucks" and i agreed. haha. stupid brother, fake gonna build swimming pool, then go build his own mini jacuzzi on the 7th floor man. @#*$!@(#$&(!&()!(!$*()@$)@#*(

teck : my slave. walao 22 january, bastard. hahahahaha. thanks for being a bro and listening to me during the times when i'm down, and also for enduring my nonsense :PPPPP hum sup rocks man. you'll forever be my sex slave, but dun worry i always treat u well DONT I !!! hug hug kiss kiss.

john : walao eh. first guy i talked to in class man. sucks. hahaha. at first thought you were a dao kia, then realised u also niao like the rest of us in a1 =p and the duck side's always strong in you............................... rmb the johns i initiated practically every time a1 and a2 had lectures together ? hahahahahaha =ppPpp

thiam peng : walao eh.. zai ge. the orc, the zai ge in our class, i think all you started one. hahaha. actually you were the one who made me realise who they really were ( whether that's a good thing or not, till now i'm not sure :P ) happy happy with m.q. ah.. hahaha good luck dude :)

josh : eh.. thanks man... you're a real pal. BMT... sibei jialat.. haha soon we'll be comrades already. it's really a pleasure knowing you man. our first movie at the start of the year with sig joe daryl, the return of the king. hahaha. we just laugh at everything.

josh : wickeremasuriya tan ! my gay partner since sec 3. another poor fella who had to endure my crap in our upper sec days ( he still does now ! =P ) my sec sch sex partner, always humping each other. basketball zai.. we make a great team man.. u throw the ball to me when i'm in the box, and me dunking over helpless centres. hahahaha YEA RIGHT ur a great guy :)

nel : what can i say ? without u, i wouldve probably dropped lit in sec sch with all the fags like leonard choo in the class >_< it's still good hanging out with u man. ur my A list, haha, with u, heck teck and josh =p ! thanks for the times we spent studying in orchard before the As. hope u and josh have fun in m'sia now. i'll see u on the christmas weekend =) take care bro, love ya lots !


This'll probably be my last post in quite a while. i'm still emotional, with so many things just rushing through my head. i hope i can let go of some things when i'm in army, meeting new fellas and probably still crapping around in tekong :)






Yes folks. i love y'all. i'm a walking contradiction, i may possess what coleridge called the owlet atheism, but i think i still believe in God. God bless y'all =)





And may the Force be with you, always.

I do have to admit, i'm wrong ! rouge was not bad. the downside was that the place was small. overall... not too bad i'd say :)


It's amazing how u can spend 2 years in a jc and not know someone until you've graduated. got to know this sweet girl evangelin.. and i didnt even know she's from ny =/ oh and i met my sec school mates yiming and jeremy too.


Things WERE not too bad, until alvin started telling me things about what she had told him. things went for a downturn.. and until now i'm still thinking about it. fucking sian. it's just so crazy when u've exposed yourself so much so that the slightest breeze'll blow u over and shatter u into oblivion, and ur still alive and wondering why ur still so sad.


I hate to feel like this, especially when enlistment's only in 3 days time. oh.. Bugger.

Godamn what a rush. wanted to join darell at CB for the vj party, but got hooked on starwars: Battlefront. can't believe i played from 8 till 3 in the morning =)



Rouge is NOT a colossal failure, as i thought it would be. heard the organisers need another 40 tickets before they get back their losses =) so my guess is, let's say : if they get back all their losses, probably earn another 20, 30 tickets, they still won't be making much. AND the dough's gotta split. sad :D



Call me evil, but,















Too bad................................................................................................ :D

Sian.