T.F.U.S. : eh you not from singapore right ?
Me : yes, i am singaporean. what do you think i am, greek ?
T.F.U.S. : -laughs- no laaaa, you don look like you singapore wan. sure not ? -laughs-
Me : yes... i am very sure -gives a fake smile-
T.F.U.S. : wah sey. you don look local la. paiseh. so you studying ? you look like foreign student sia.
Me : i'm currently in the army, uncle. -a weak but genuine smile- no lah, i've always been
studying here in singapore.
T.F.U.S. : orh, -goes into chinese- ni dang bing liao ah ? nan guai tou fa zhe mo duan. -laughs-
Me : ( oh yes you bloody chee bye. ) -fake smile- shi ah, uncle.
T.F.U.S : ah boy ah, ni zhen de hen xiang wai guo xue shen.
Me : ( what, are you stupid, or are you phucking stupid ? what an ass for brains. ) -fake smile-
T.F.U.S. : but no la, really, you just dun look like you from here wan.
Me : ( resigned to the fact that uncle's the Typical Fucked Up Singaporean ) -weak smile- sorry uncle, have to go already ah. bye. thanks ( i don't know why i said thanks... )






There you have it. T.F.U.S. they're everywhere. this one's in his 30s. sorry, but, i'm BLOODY SINGAPOREAN BORN AND BRED.


Wonder why sometimes people'd think that i'm not chinese, i'm not singaporean, i'm not what i am. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............. just for the record i'm chinese :) not mixed, not anything else. How Jarring...



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Here i am, again. Wow, it's sunday, AGAIN ! difference is, i'm supposed to be sleeping in my bunk now, but sadly i'm at home. YES sadly, because i'd rather be in camp now without sandfly bites on me.






Yes yes yes...... field camp. but really... i have to admit truthfully, it was fun ! at the same time, it sucked too, but that's only because of reasons concerning hygiene. wait, i havent mentioned the food rations yet, but i shant go to that. very painful memories you see.................. and no... i saw no wild boar or encountered any snake. oh there are mutated ants with yellow-coloured, green-coloured, blue-coloured asses. I'M SERIOUS. then there's the ocassional gigantic spider crawling into your basha when u sleep.


Oh yes. amazing discovery i made on monday night, first day of FC : i'm totally night-blind, which means, its as good as closing my eyes at night when there're no lights around.




'mazing discovery of the century, huh.






Ah bugger. i'm about to nod off. till tomorrow !

Oh yes, same old sunday late afternoon. little more than 2 hours to booking in, again. how many weekends have i booked in already ? i've gotten the hang of it. no longer feeling demoralised on book in day... in some ways, everytime i enter my bunk on sunday nights there's this feeling that i'm entering my second home.


Yeaaa.... half of my BMT's gone.. urgh, field camp field camp field camp... -sian- no proper shower for 5 days, no proper food for 5 days, no proper bed for 5 days, NO HANDPHONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i'll survive. i Think. mossies that come by the hundreds, wild boars, maybe snakes, maybe scorpions. who knows ? i'll find out soon enough.


Got a new handphone, like finally. it's the nokia 6260. kinda like my super belated birthday pressie from dad, cause i really didnt know what i wanted since last october. you know, the functions in 3G ( not sure if mine's 3G though.. ) or the latest phones are kinda redundant, especially for 18 year old teenagers like me. i dont need a wallet function, a file manager, a PTT function whateverthatis, a presenter likeI'llbedoingpresentations, ...... blue tooth ( blue-what ?? ) function, i dont need those ! but heck. they'd probably come in handy... probably.......................... probably's such a dodgy word.





ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FIELD RATIONS FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS













Yes more dieting to come. that's bloody for sure, i tell you.
(In some ways i do appreciate NS, my appetite's gone down..)













NO HANDPHONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sob sob... i'm crying already...






Oh bugger. jolly well, till then.





*je vous aime toujours, bien que je ne peux pas vous parler. J'espere que vous ne ma pas abandonne, parce que j'ai toujours besoin du temps pour regler mon ame. S'il vous plait m'attendre, vous etes toujours le l'un, le seul l'un dans mon coeur :)



(havent done french in quite a while...)

It's the haji break and i'm out.


Decided to blog again, since i've got more time this weekend, and i really need to get things off my mind, onto old bloggie........ everyone knows when i wanna say something, i'd say it no matter who you are, because that's how open i am. now... i cant seem to say much. it's like i've totally lost it. no feeling of expression to give, at least on the outside. inside, it's just expanding like a balloon waiting to burst any minute, any second.


Field camp starts next mon. was out with my bunk mates at PS a few hours ago, celebrated yan's birthday. they dont seem to look forward to it. understandable. me ? i dont look forward to it, yet i'm not sure if i care at all.

Before, i'd use to speculate what'd happen tmr, what's it gonna be like, how happy i'll be, how disappointing it'll turn out for me etc etc... these days, i take everything day by day..... dont get me wrong, i still care what happens, but it's like i dont seem to wanna plan ahead anymore... it's like, there's no more light coruscating forth from the distant horizon anymore...............


Chun yan... he's 18 like me, but he's a juvenile delinquint.. he's seen a lot more than i have, or perhaps anyone years ahead of him too... in some ways he's just as childish as i am, in others he's definitely years ahead of his time. dude's married, has a son already 8mths old. once i asked him, why is it the good ones, the really good ones, are always being taken away ? and why do people like me, who've been so lucky and havent had the decency to appreciate it, still stay ? he tells me.. some people believe that living this mortal life on earth's actually pain.. so in a sense, God's being fair by sending them up to heaven earlier, so they wouldnt suffer anymore... i dont know what to say. i cant.


Frankly speaking, if war ever breaks loose, i'll never have the heart to look into the eyes of an enemy soldier and pull the trigger on my M16. you look into his eyes, knowing he's got parents waiting for him to come home, siblings, loved ones... all hoping war would end, and he's gonna come home.







I dont know what i'm saying. perhaps it's because i drank a bit too much. been love sick everyday. guys went to k box while i went home because i didnt wanna waste myself again. it's so foolish. I'm so foolish.








Why am i blogging again ? dun know, dun care, all i need is sleep now........................