I get carried away at times. In fact, I think once the adrenaline rush hits, I just let myself be carried away. It might seem like a harmless joke, or just innocuous fun but in reality a very real, callous, vitriol stab in the heart it is. Which, being another cruel irony of life, all the more affirms my point: I am not nice.



I've never felt such disturbance to my usual insouciant self, at least not in a while, especially when I did not intentionally hurt someone, someone whom I'll never wish to.



Sigh. Reflection, and all I see is pitch black nothingness. Maybe that's me, my real self. an abyss to consume someone's happiness with that blokeish, nonchalant facade.












And maybe I am screwing up my life, or trying hard to, for no fuck reason. yeah. no-fuck-reason. What's my resolution that I posted up a couple of posts ago? I tend to forget, and don't I always.



Time to wake up your idea, boy. Time to wake up your idea. Sigh. I hope I'm forgiven. It's very difficult to, I know, because I'm not so kind myself.






I'm such an asshole...

Okay, maybe scrap that. The last one's a little unwarranted now. I'm glad I hung out with the guys yesterday, we've all got our fair bit of problems, and I think it's the conversations I had that made me rethink my strategies.




And Sicko was an enlightening film for shallow, ignorant men like me, though it's the health care system in the US. I'm not so sure how the health care in Singapore works! (on a side note: National service was shit, but at least all your medical bills are covered.)



And I hope Aaron feels a lot better, and Hanjing too. You're right, those priorities are the numero uno on our list.



And I'm glad to have conversed with Adam while at and after DXO. It's so good to know a friend a lot better, and expose yourself, without a care, too. : )




And DXO is shit on saturdays. I can only wonder how they'd survive for so long...........................























And don't worry, I won't leave you out, Ben. We all love you, too. You know that, right? I'm sure you do. Really, we do.

Addiction, the one state where a human being is unable to rid himself of a particular entity when he's engulfed by it due to its enslavement by practice or habit of overusage. When you stop, you find that you can't, your insides become embroiled with your head, you can't think straight, you can't think right. That entity so powerful, it inveigles you, enticing you into its circle and then... you realise it's too late.

It's the psychological barrier that prevents you from escaping that inner prison. It's like you've confined yourself into a tiny corner inside of your head, unable to leave because something has ensnared you from the outside.


My addiction, as I travel downward the spiral of loss,

You and everything else of worth, for all I fought;

life's battles are never easy, (though a worthy cause)

for my only fear is that all will be for naught.







I just can't help to do anything but be belpless.

I'm losing it...



Yesterday, during history tutorial, Dr Emmanuel asked for the definition of the word "covet". The blur cock that I was said it was "cheating", and another girl corrected me by correctly defining it. The most embarrassing moment in the last couple of weeks, I must say... I'm nearing depression already.



Must say, I've totally lost focus at school. I thought I could lose myself in the library for hours, but I've just been so distracted and lazy, and distracted. I thought I could remain phlegmatic in the face of intense, primal emotions. I thought nothing would get in the way of what I still feel is of paramount importance, which is to be dilligent.




And I thought wrong. Fuck.